Restoring the Spirit Tracks
by Rexan
Summary: Based on 'Legend of Zelda: The Spirit Tracks'. An irritable Link, an overly pampered Zelda; just how will these two be able to save the kingdom of Hyrule if they continue bickering like the two idiots they are?
1. Everyone Hates Bees

_Thanks for choosing to read my fic! It's just about Zelda getting on everybody's nerves and everybody getting on Link's nerves. I got bit by the writer's bug while playing the game, so I wrote this._

_Enjoy!_

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**This story takes place centuries ago. It's the story of the first people of Hyrule**.

**At first, everything was good, for the land was watched over by the peaceful spirits, but that soon all halted.**

**The Demon King had gained power and he was soon known as the Destroyer; he left nothing standing in his wake.**

** The spirits of good were forced to battle him, and the war that soon followed seemed to last an eternity, leaving many killed or terribly wounded.  
**

**Finally, the spirits weakened the Demon King enough to trap him in a Tower, that had shackles placed all over the land to keep him there.**

**After that great act, they couldn't continue living in the land of mortals, so they returned to the heavens. Before they left, though, they left their land with us.**

—

"Ah, wow. I love telling that story more than life itself," Niko sighed. "Now, is it just me, or does it get better everytime, Link? ...Link?"

Through his entire story, I'd just been sleeping. Such a boring monotone voice… Ugh. I was comfortably curled up on the carpet in front of Niko, the dreary old man who had been telling the story. With balding white hair and super wrinkly skin, he reminded me of some kind of molding prune.

I was wearing my engineer outfit: a slightly formal blue suit and a red a cap that has a white bird design on it. My blond hair was ruffled messily from my nap on the floor.

"_What!_ You fell asleep? Now, Link, you know I need to practice to _somebody_ to tell this story; everyone loves hearing it every year, and I have to be sure to change it up enough so that people still are interested.

"Can you please just pay attention for once? Someday, this story will be all that's left of my existence..." He trailed off that sentence and sighed.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I still didn't want to listen to him. _Every year it's the same thing. I wish he'd just skip it for once, _I thought.

"Okay, okay. Sorry for bothering you," Niko blathered. After he'd finished that sentence, the front door opened and shut with the arrival of someone else.

"Hey there, Alfonzo!" Niko happily greeted.

I turned around to see Alfonzo, my dark-skinned mentor, looming over me. He's pretty tall compared to most, and he was wearing his own brown engineer outfit.

"Oh, come on, now, Link," he huffed. He suddenly reached down towards me with his gloved hands and picked me up off the floor. He started shaking me until I was dizzy and I just couldn't take anymore.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up, _wake up!_"

"Gaah! Stop it! I'm awake!" I shouted.

"Don't you remember how important today is? It's the day you receive your certificate to be an engineer, _and_ you get to meet the princess!"

"It is?" I blearily asked. Alfonzo dropped me back onto the floor and then Niko and he gave me blank stares. "I mean, right right. Of course," I tried to correct myself.

"Don't tell me you forgot…" Alfonzo moaned, shaking his head. "If you don't pay attention to anything, Link, you'll never amount to anything. Meet me at the train in five minutes if you want to come; I'll go and tell her you didn't want your certificate if you're not there by then. The station's right up the road, so don't get lost!"

"Oh, really? Between here and what forest?" I sarcastically replied.

"Then get a move on!" he loudly ordered. I jumped with the sudden increase in volume, and then I vigorously nodded my head.

Alfonzo walked outside, and when he'd disappeared from sight, Niko warned, "You'd better hurry. Alfonzo isn't known for being the most patient guy around."

Again, I nodded, and then I scrambled outside.

I live in Aboda Village, a cozy little place by the beach. There's green grass all around, a few houses for the small population, seagulls, a pen where one of the families keeps their animals, the ocean, and palm trees scattered throughout the place. They're really nice to lounge under on nice days like today…

_Gah! Stay awake! Don't fall asleep, Link! _I had to slap myself to stay away from the temptation of just settling down under one of the trees and napping.

Today just wasn't the day for that. I was going to be a full-fledged engineer! No time for lounging.

I was rushing to the train station at the back of the small village. Just a few yards away from it, a kid barred my way into it.

"_You're _going to be an engineer? You're such a wimp! Can't even do a stupid somersault. Link, if you can be an engineer, _anybody _can." He stuck his tongue out at me. "If you wanna show me you're not a mistake for an engineer, go and somersault into that tree over there." He motioned towards a young palm tree to his left and grinned maliciously.

"Fine!" I shouted. I hated that kid, and almost everyone else in the village did, too. He's always been known as the bully of Aboda. (More so than me, and that's seriously saying something.)

I did what he said, landed on my back, the tree shook a bit, and then I heard something soft fall by my head and then break. "Oh, crap… I didn't just…" I looked over to see a smashed bee hive lying right by my head with a mass of angry bees swarming out of it. I was about to jump back up and punch the stupid kid who'd told me to do that, but he was long gone.

"Link, you idiot!" he laughed. "Bees sting, you know! And, do you know if you're allergic to them yet? Let's not find out!" He broke up into laughter while he was heading into his house on the other side of the village, far away from where I was.

"Crap!" I yelled, shooting up from my spot and back towards the train station.

"ALFONZO! HURRY UP!" I screeched at the still-closed doors.

The doors started to slowly part to let the train from inside the building out. I was anxiously bouncing in my spot and shaking my fists up and down, trying to urge the doors to open faster. "Come on, come on…"

The train leisurely came chugging out of the small building, and Alfonzo put on the brakes and hopped off when it was in front of me. "To get your certificate, you're going to have to have an audi—"

"_I don't care! Get the train started!_" His eyes widened and I hopped into the engineer's seat. "_Hurry up!_" The bees were swarming closer, and Alfonzo was still ready to give me the lecture. "**_Hurry!_**"

He shook his head and then boarded. The train started up again and I set the train at full throttle before it had even heated up.

"Link! You need to—"

"I don't give a crap right now! I have to get out of here!" A few bees made it to me, but I squashed them against my arm before they were able to do anything. Because of that, there were green bee guts on my outfit. Not like I really cared, though. I was able to get through that unstung, so I was pretty happy, but still wary and breathing heavily.

Link this, Link that. My dad's name is Link, my grandpa's name is Link, his dad's name was Link, _his _dad's name was Link, **_his _**dad was named Link, every guy in my family is named Link! Wait… I think his dad was named Joe… not like it matters, but I think everyone gets it. And there aren't even any 'Junior's or 'II's to go after a name. It's just 'Link'. Why is my family like that? It's ridiculous!

After only thirty seconds, the train was passing through the countryside and hastily moving away from my village. My breathing was gradually slowing down from the whole ordeal, and then when the last bee fell behind the train, I let out a loud sigh.

Alfonzo stuck his head out of the caboose of the train. "What was _that_ all about?" he asked.

"Bee trouble."

"Again?"

"Say anything about the last attack, and I'll kill you. I don't care if you used to be the best swordsman in the kingdom; I'll find a way."

"Geez. I was just wondering. You've always been so irritable, Link."

"Oh, are you talking about my dad or my great-great-grandpa?" I angrily gritted my teeth. Before Alfonzo could say anything, I loudly blared the whistle on the train to get a pig in the middle of the tracks to move out of the way. I didn't bother to slow down; they always waited until the last second anyways.

Right before I ran it over, the pig let out a frightened squeal and galloped out of the way. "That's better…" I mumbled.

"Remember to always watch the other trains and make sure that you're not going to crash into them."

"No, duh."

"Just reminding you…"

"I don't _need_ reminding! I've done this a million and one times! And I've never crashed, now have I? I'm one of the best engineers in the kingdom!"

"Well, it's true, but you're not an engineer yet… And no one's going to want to be in the same train as you with that attitude. Besides, we've done this _only_ twenty other times."

"Do you think I care?"

"No, but—"

"Exactly."

Soon enough, I arrived at the castle. Alfonzo started, "Remember to come to a gentle stop—"

_SCREEEE!_

If the reverse is used while moving, it acts like an emergency brake, and it's the most efficient and easiest way to quickly slow down. Alfonzo and every other engineer I know doesn't like doing it that way because it's 'bad for the wheels', but there's always repairs to be done on the trains anyways.

"Alright. We've arrived at Castle Town," I announced. _What kind of name is that anyways? _I quietly whispered to myself, still unsure why anyone would want to name a place that.

"Well, you passed the exam with flying colors, but try to be gentler on the wheels at the stop next time."

"As if," I grumbled. _Okay, okay. Calm down. Those bees are far behind._ I took a deep breath in and then let it out. "Okay, I'm going to the castle for the ceremony now."

"If you can control your temper, you'll be _the_ best engineer in the kingdom. Alright, good luck at the ceremony, Link."

I gave Alfonzo a curt nod and then jogged off to the castle. By the arches that lead onto the castle's property, there's a bouncing red mailbox. I have no idea why it's always bouncing around like that; maybe it's excited to give people their mail?

When I was passing by it to get into the castle, I heard a, "_Ch ch ch ch,_" like someone trying to mimic some kind of train. I peered over to my left, and there he was: some guy with squinty eyes and a red uniform that had three large black buttons lining the middle. He had a hat of his own; it was mostly red with a navy blue stripe at both the top and the bottom, along with a fancy white design in the middle.

He was walking at a pretty fast pace, moving his arms back and forth in a way to mimic the mechanism that moves a train's wheels, and when he reached me, he stopped and saluted. "Heya, howdy howdy, doo, mister," he started, still in his saluting position. He brought his arm down, and then introduced himself in a way.

"Howdy doody, mister," he repeated. "How's it going for you this fine morning? You can just call me Postman, 'cause I'm here to deliver your letters! You Link?"

"Yeah…" I answered.

"Well, I've get your letter," he smiled, shuffling through a small brown leather bag at his waist. "Well, what do you think about today's weather? What's bringing you to Castle Town? You doin' okay, kid? I think that today's amazing so far. Oh, by the way, have you heard about the-"

"Here you go!" he said, suddenly holding out a letter that was sealed with a green stamp.

"Er… thanks…" I grabbed it and almost commented something along the lines of, "You _sure_ this isn't my dad's?" just to get on his nerves, but I decided against it.

"Well, I'm done here, so see you later, Link, mister!" He walked off doing his, "_Ch ch ch,_" thing again, and I shook my head, thinking about how odd that just was.

I strolled up to the front of the castle, but the way in was barred by two guards dressed in green: a stout one, and then a tall and skinny one.

"Hey, I need to get in," I told them.

"Oh, pfft. Get lost, kid."

"I'm here to get my engineer certificate," I growled, already annoyed with how they were treating me.

"Ah, I completely forgot that today was the graduation ceremony! There's no need to be so uptight, though, kid. Just didn't think they gave certificates to little kids like you."

"Just let me through, will you?"

"Right, right." He and his pal moved out of the way and I went into the castle.

The inside seemed like some kind of dungeon to me; well, yeah, there were nice carpets here and there, but that still didn't change its harsh, stony look. The entrance had an expensive red carpet trailing up to the first set of stairs ten yards or so from the front door. That set of stairs is surrounded by water for what reason? I don't know. Maybe to try to make it look nicer.

To get to the stairs, though, I had to talk to yet _another_ guard who was standing in front of them like a boring stick.

"Hey, let me past."

"With Zelda up these stairs, only invited guests are allowed in. For you and every other short toddler in Hyrule, that means GET LOST!"

"And do you know what that means for you? OUT OF MY WAY!" I was ready to shove past him when a high, squeaky voice rang across the room.

"What's all the commotion here?"

I looked down to see a strange leprechaun-like man dressed in all green and wearing one hat on both sides of his head. _What the heck…?_ He had an orange haired moustache and orange hair. His clothes were rather fancy; kind of show-offy.

"Oh, good day, Chancellor Cole!" the guard addressed the short man. "Apologies for the disturbance. It's just that this boy wants to get past. For whatever reason, I can only wonder."

"Oh?" Cole asked, now looking at me. "Are you here for the graduation ceremony? But you're so young!" I bit my tongue to keep from shouting at that remark. "What a waste of resources. The Spirit Tracks are vanishing, yet they appoint such small toddlers to drive our trains."

_Toddlers? What the heck? I'm not _that_ short!__  
_

"Well, come along. Don't be late." His gaze went to the guard.

"Don't just stand there like a drooling mutter! Move it!" Cole ordered.

"Y-yes, sir!" the guard stuttered. He stepped to the side and Cole went up the stairs. The only thing I could really do was follow him.

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_Alrighty dokey. Thanks for reading, and reviews will always be nice. ^^_


	2. Meeting the Princess

_Hey, everyone! I'm so happy that I already have three reviews on this story after only my first chapter! I'll be doing my best to get my updates for this up on Fridays, but there's a problem for my readers that's coming up really soon:_

_I'm going on vacation._

_It'll probably be a few weeks before the next update comes up, so take it easy with this chapter if you can. I started typing most of it up on just Saturday (yesterday, for some of you), and I'm _so_ glad that I was able to finish it before Christmas break. Alright, I hope you all enjoy this new... and... _exciting_ chapter in: Restoring the Spirit Tracks!! :D_

_

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"Hustle, hustle. Come on, now," Cole rushed me. "Now, don't forget to bow to the... princess... Chi chi chi chi..."

_What a strange laugh,_ I thought, giving the Chancellor a kind of creeped out look.

"Alright. Here we are. Zelda should be out shortly... chi chi." The room we arrived in had a really large red door on each side, and then there was this fancy chair sitting against the wall in between both of them that had this super tall back. Behind that chair was a red and gold banner; it was very elegant and regal looking. Everything in the room just gave the idea of 'rich'.

Cole ordered me to bow only two yards or so in front of the tall chair. I kneeled and then brought my head down for the awkward bow, and then I waited for the princess to come out. It felt like I'd been waiting, bowing, for five minutes or more, so I was just about ready to get up and leave without my certificate.

Then I heard delicate footsteps approach from my right.

I looked up to see Zelda standing in front of me. She was wearing a detailed and ornate dress, most likely made almost all out of the finest silk in Hyrule. Purple, pink, and gold were all thrown together in the most intricate ways to create the different designs on her dress. She had sky blue eye liner along with a shining gold, leafy looking crown.

She glanced down at me and gave me a smile. "You're, like, so cute," she told me.

"You raised your head without permission?! You incompetent peasant!" Cole squawked. I glared at him; there was nothing else I could do with the distance he had put between us.

Zelda waved her hand at Cole, asking for silence. Still looking at me she said, "You shouldn't, like, worry too much about him. So are you, like, the new engineer? What's your name?"

"Link," I briefly answered.

"Aw! That is, like, the cutest name I've ever heard!" she cooed.

_Will you just stop saying 'like'?_ I thought, clenching my teeth together to stop myself from making some stupid comment.

"Link, by the power vested in me, I hereby proclaim you—"

"You're wasting your time, princess. He's only a toddler. It's not like he's going to be any help to the kingdom as an engineer."

_Why, you..._ My anger was bubbling up inside me and I felt myself shaking to try to stop from jumping up, running over to Cole, and then punching him in his little leprechaun face. _At least Zelda didn't say 'like', _I tried to comfort myself. _At least Zelda didn't say 'like'..._

Zelda sighed. "I am, like—" _Augh!_ "—so sorry. I'm coming, Chancellor. One moment, though. Link, like, needs his certificate."

As if in reply, an aged, hunched over old man came shuffling up to Zelda. He had small round spectacles balanced on his large nose and a grey, drooping moustache. The grey hair on top of his head was swirled like a soft-serve ice cream cone. His crisp, tan colored shirt was the same color as his pants.

The last thing about him that I noticed was that he was holding a piece of paper on a red cushion. (I was too busy looking at his oversized moustache to notice much of anything else about him.)

"Like, thank you so much, Teacher!" Zelda grabbed the certificate off the cushion and the old man shuffled away again when she started reading it. "'I hereby recognize out newest royal engineer... Link! Work hard, for we all rely on you, Link.'"

_I can tell she didn't write that..._

I don't really think anyone but me noticed, but I heard Cole growl to himself, "Stupid toddler..."

"You're, like, an engineer now!" Zelda grinned. She handed me my certificate and I put it into my pocket. Then she stepped towards me and whispered in my ear, "Don't say anything right now. Is that, like, okay?" She handed me another note and I unsurely nodded after grabbing it and quickly hiding it in my shirt.

Everyone in the room filed out through one of the two oversized doors, with Zelda going through the door on my right, and everybody else leaving through the left.

I was turning around to leave, when Cole turned around to talk to me, his beady black eyes glinting. "Well, what're you waiting for? Go and teethe on your train's wheels or whatever you want to do, toddler. It really doesn't matter." A huge, scary grin spread across his face. "Your train'll be useless before long anyways."

When I saw his grin, I took an involuntary step backwards, and my heart was pounding. His teeth... were they _sharp_? Like shark teeth? _What's wrong with him?_ I thought, a sudden surge of fright coursing through me.

"Chi chi chi chi..." He closed his mouth, turned away, and continued after the guards.

The next moment, there weren't anymore people in the room except for me, so I assumed that was my cue to leave. I took a few steps backwards, still watching the door the Chancellor had disappeared behind, and then turned around and sprinted out of the castle.

I dashed outside and by the two guards, the tall one and the short one, and they curiously watched me zoom past them.

Once I was under the arches by the front of the castle, I bent over and grabbed my knees to help me catch my breath. _Yikes. Scary Coal guy. No wonder his name is Cole; his eyes are like it._ My breathing gradually slowed down back to normal, and then I stood up straight, ready to read what Zelda wanted from me.

I jogged over the hard pavement over to a nearby corner by a house. I pulled the letter out of my shirt and unfolded it. Zelda, in her curly, overly-perfect handwriting, wrote this letter.

'I have a favor that I have to talk about that can't be, like, written or anything else. Please, I, like, need you to get to my bedroom ASAP. You also need to be sure to stay, like, hidden, okay?

_Zelda'_

Attached to the letter was a map that had an arrow coming out of a box thing showing how to get to her bedroom. On the top of the map was a square marked with an 'X'.

"Ugh..." I moaned. "A 'favor' for a whiny princess. Joy." I crumpled up the letter and tossed it to the side. It wouldn't matter if someone found it anyways, because all they would know is that Zelda wanted to get out of the castle; it's not like they'd know it was _me_ helping her.

"Okay... now for the postmaster's letter..." I took the letter out of my sack that I use to carry my items, and then ripped off the envelope.

'Dear Link,

Our new postal system has started running today. If you're reading this, then my new postman is doing his job right! He's efficient and hard-working, so please be nice to him, okay?' _I'll do my best, _I smirked. 'If anything comes up, we'll be in touch.

_--The Postmaster_'

I jammed the letter back into my sack, and then jogged off at a comfortable pace to Alfonzo. I saw him still standing around idly by the train and he was impatiently tapping his foot. While I was still jogging, I yelled out, "Hey, Alfonzo!"

He looked over at me. "What?"

I was in front of him by the end of that one word. "I've got something else to do. Can you wait a bit longer?"

"If you've got something to do, hurry up and do it! You don't need my permission for every—"

I was already rushing away again. "Oh, forget it," I heard him mumble to himself.

Again, I was in front of the castle. Trying to make myself look the least suspicious possible, I just casually walked by the two guards. _Okay... now to get to the roof..._ The first place I went to was the room where I'd received my certificate.

Unfortunately, much to my annoyance and frustration, both of the doors were blocked off by a guard. I went up to the skinnier, lanky looking one. "Hey, let me through."

"Sorry, kid. No can do. Beyond this door is for authorized personnel only."

'_Authorized personnel only' my butt._

He leaned forward a bit closer to me, but I took a step back to keep the distance between us the same; his breath smelled like dog food. "I saw the princess hand you something earlier. What was it?"

_Oh... crap._ "That was... uh... that was..."

"It wasn't a love letter, was it?! Oh! Zelda's growing up so fast!" He stood up straight again and wiped his tearing eyes on his sleeve.

"Uh... yeah. It was a love letter. So, uh... can I go through?"

"Gwaaahh!" he bawled. "Huh? Oh." _Sniff. _"I'm really, really sorry, kid. I've been given strict orders not to let you through. I'm... I'm... I'm sor—I'm sorr—_Waaaahh!!_" I shot him a funny look and then turned around back the way I came. Less than a minute later, I was still inside, but back by the front door again.

_Now where to go...?_ I ran off to the left of the building and was jogging around, looking for a staircase or something.

Turning a corner, I saw that there was a set of stairs in the wall that led upwards. _Oh! Maybe that's it!_

I went up them and ended up on the roof. _Oh, snap. Look at all the guards... _There were four or so on the roof, all dressed in their green outfits along with their strange, gigantic hats. Two were aimlessly walking around, one was lazily on his lookout, and the last one was guarding a door.

Trying to remember the map I'd stupidly tossed away along with the letter, I realized I was on the wrong side of the building. There was a guard walking around where the other staircase came up, and I knew that that was what the weird square on the map was.

As 'normally' as I could, I strolled past the guards. They all gave me looks that were saying, "What's that kid doing up here?" but I ignored them to the best of my ability. I was tightly clenching both of my fists to keep myself from doing something stupid. I'm known for doing stupid things.

Finally, I was on the other side of the roof and I noticed part of the wall jutting out, and I could use it to help me over to where the map said to go. I edged along the side and came to a ledge with a door that was surrounded by fancy marble columns, just for looks.

Hopping off onto the ledge below me, I was feeling positive that this was Zelda's room. I pushed the door open and then…

"_My ears!! What the heck _is _that sound?!_" I yelled. This tinny, head-splitting sound was coming from in front of me. I closed my eyes, as if in someway if I couldn't see the source of the sound, it would go away. Grabbing my ears to try and drain out the noise, it was as if the sound had lodged in my head like a sick locust that was eating my brain. "_It hurts!!_"

Suddenly, the noise stopped. Relief. That's the first word that came to my mind. Silence. A comforting silence that I wanted to stay there forever…

"Hey, Link! So you, like, read my letter!"

_Oh, no. That was you playing that, wasn't it?_

"Do you like my pan pipe?" I opened my eyes and brought a fake smile to my face. I nodded to the instrument she had shoved in front of my face. "Ohmigosh!! I'm _soooooo_ glad you liked it!! Come over here! I, like, want to tell you something." She pushed me and I stumbled backwards, trying to regain my footing. I tripped over something hard and then landed on something… very soft. I looked down. _Oh. Zelda's bed._ It had this unnaturally poofy blanket stuffed with feathers, and it was such a piercing pink that it made me want to puke.

Actually, her entire room made me want to puke.

Everything was some varying shade of pink or bright purple, and… oh, geez. It sends shivers down my spine thinking about it. I'll stop there.

"Did any of the guards, like, see you?"

"I'm sure all of them did."

"Oh my gosh!! What the heck is, like, your problem!? Are you, like, stupid or something? Wasn't it, like, _obvious_ that you were supposed to stay out of sight?"

"No. The guards were stupid anyways."

She grumbled, "Like, idiot…"

"So… were you going to tell me something, or can I leave now…?"

"NO!" she screeched.

"Ow! Freakin' banshee…"

"I need to ask you about, like, bringing me to the Tower of Spirits. Those railroads you, like, _drive_ on and stuff with your, uh…"

"Train?"

"Yeah, that thingy. The railroads have been, like, disappearing!"

"And you thought I didn't know about that?"

"Shut up!" she ordered. She then sniffed, "I'm a _princess._"

"Right…"

"Shut up!" she repeated.

"Okay, okay…"

Zelda angrily crossed her arms and let out a huff. "So as I was, like, saying, those railroad things have been here since, like, ever, and they're gone and stuff so I want to go to the Tower of Spirits and, like, find out what's going on. There's supposed to be, like, this 'sage' person," she said sage with air-quotes, "in it, and I need to ask her what's, like, going on and stuff!"

"So you need me to drive you over there in my train because you wouldn't dare to get your little prissy shoes muddy?"

"I said shut up!!" she pouted. "And you're going to have to wear this." She paused. "Like."

_Wow. She forgot to say 'like' and she just _has _to put it in there. _I rolled my eyes.

She pulled a green uniform and a pointy, drooping hat out from under her bed. "See? Now you'll look exactly like your great-great-grandfather!" she cooed. "And you'll also look like a castle guard recruit!"

"Thanks…" I growled, remembering all the pictures I've seen everyone draw of my great-great-grandfather. _I don't _want _to look like my great-great-grandfather! I'll look like something from a stupid mural…_

"Oh! I'll…" she giggled, "turn around. Heehee…"

She did turn around, but I didn't trust her, so I shoved her over to the other side of the room and stole the pillowcase off her pillow. "What're you, like, doing?" I jammed it over her head.

"Just stay like that for a minute, will you?"

"Teehee… you're, like, so strong…" came her muffled voice out from under the pillowcase.

"Ugh!" I was feeling completely exasperated with this brainless priss. _If I have to spend more than a day with her, I'll die!_

I quickly changed out of my engineer uniform and slipped on the green recruit uniform.

"I'm done…"

She hastily pulled off the pillowcase, tossed it to the floor, and then squealed, "_Awww!!_ Look at you! You're just, like, _soo_ cute!"

Shoving the engineer uniform into my items sack, I thought, _Looks like it'll have to stay there for a while._ In reply to Zelda, I answered, "You already said that…"

But I don't think she heard me. "Like, come on! We have to get, like, going, slowpoke!" She grabbed my hand and pretty much dragged me out of the room. Again, we were outside on that ledge. "Okay, so if the guards, like, see me, they'll take me back up to my bedroom, so we, like, can't let that happen, you got that, Link?"

"Yeah, yeah." I stared out across the courtyard the ledge overlooked. There were at least five guards, but I could tell none of them were at all smart. They all just had this vacant look in their eyes. "Alright…" I looked down the ledge and estimated the distance from where I was standing to the bottom. "About seven feet… if I…"

"HAHAHA! STRONG MAN!" Zelda yelled, grinning stupidly, and then she whacked me across my shoulder.

"Eeyahh!" I yelled, suddenly knocked loose of my balance I was sent tumbling forward off the ledge. With a horrible _thud_ and an uncomfortable pain in my butt, I glared up at Zelda and angrily demanded, "What was that for?!"

"Sssh!! They'll hear you," she pointed out, acting as if she was the definition of stealth.

_Yeah… and they didn't hear your 'strong man' comment…_ I grumbled.

All the guards that were in the stretch of land in front of me glanced back and looked at me. I gave them a timid wave. _I'm going to kill her…_

"Hey, dude! How ya doing today?" I asked, trying to make myself seem like a normal recruit. I walked up to the closest guard and brought his gaze away from 'stealthy' Zelda. While the guy's attention was turned from Zelda and all the other guards had turned back away, I motioned for her to come down. She jumped down, but I saw her ready to complain when her high heeled shoe dug up some dirt and got mud on the bottom of it when she landed. Still, she didn't say anything.

She hustled past the guard and crouched behind a bush; she'd be in plain sight if any of the guards turned around, so I knew I had to hurry over and distract the next one.

I did that with two more guards, and then at the third one… he wasn't as easily distracted. "Hey, dude, how ya doing?" I asked him.

"Gotta stay alert, gotta keep watching, can't get distracted," he hastily murmured.

Quietly, just so only I could hear it, I said, "So that's how it is…" I walked over to a boulder lying just behind him, picked it up with ease (_So Alfonzo's murderous training routine is working out!_), and chucked it.

The guard immediately turned around and dashed over to me. "What're you doing, kid?" I subtly hinted to Zelda for her to get out of here. She went at her top speed of three miles per hour (it's almost impossible for an overly-pampered princess in high heels and a dress to go any faster) and was out of sight an entire minute later.

"Kid? Did you hear a _word_ I just said?"

_Crap. He was talking to me._

"Everything, sir." _Just make something up. _"I won't go throwing rocks _ever_ again!"

"Glad you were listening," he huffed, heading back to his post.

_Fingers crossed! _I smirked while I was walking away.

When the train was in sight, I saw that Zelda was already happily gabbing away with Alfonzo. In earshot of her conversation, this is what I heard while I was going over to the 'happy couple': "…and then you wouldn't _believe_ what happened to my shoes! They got mud, like, all over them! It's like the horriblest thing _ever_!"

"Well… yeah… but… shouldn't you be in the castle…?"

"Oh, but, that's, like, not even the beginning!"

_Oh boy._

"Link jumped off the edge of this cliff thing and was, like, screaming for his life and he tried to, like, grab onto me and drag me down to a horrible death with him!!"

"Did he, now?" Alfonzo replied, giving me an angry why-would-you-ever-want-to-kill-the-princess-of-the-kingdom-huh-? glare.

"Get in the train if you want to get to the Tower, Zelda, alright?" I snapped at her.

"What are you doing, Link? Zelda needs a proper escor—And why did it take you so long to just get a change of clothes?!"

"I'll tell you later."

"You say that with everything! You tell me right now or I'll—"

Zelda interrupted him before he could say anything else. "I, like, want to get to that Tower!!" she whined.

_For once, thank you, Zelda._

I gestured to Zelda when Alfonzo looked at me for an explanation, then I took the engineer's seat on the train. "Are you coming or what?" I asked both of them when my hands were clasping the controls for the train.

Alfonzo rolled his eyes and got into the passenger area after he'd opened the door for Zelda and she'd daintily walked in.

"Be sure to heat up the engine first, Link!" Alfonzo reminded.

"Well, the train's going to be fine without that, isn't it?"

"You've never done it once, and I thought that—"

I started up the train to drown him out. _Ch, ch, ch, ch, ch…_ Setting the train on full throttle, I took it off towards the Tower of Spirits.

_Alright… back on the railroad… there aren't any of those pigs over here… that's why I like it… all I gotta do is—What's that?_

I sat up a bit farther in my seat and…

_Really? What _is _that?_

Squinting to try and get a better view… _Is that… _"No!!" I yelled, putting the emergency brake on suddenly. The railroad was quickly disappearing; it was disappearing faster than the train could go at maximum speed.

The disappearing railroad reached me and then there was nowhere for the train to drive. "Woah!!" I was pulling back on the brake as hard as I could, but the train veered off to the side, ready to fall onto the ground. "Come… on…" I grunted, pulling the brake back even farther. This painful screeching noise was coming from the struggling train while it was trying to come to its stop.

And then the brake tore off. "NO!" I shouted. The train suddenly stopped, but it was tilting at an angle that was dangerously close to the ground. _It's going to fall… it's going to fall… it's going to—_ It fell right back onto its wheels, the way it was supposed to be. I was still on the seat, shuddering on the spot, grasping the broken train brake with white knuckles. "Oh my gosh… oh my gosh…" I kept muttering to myself, my heart beating like a trapped butterfly.

The door to the passenger area opened, and I heard Alfonzo and Zelda come out. Still, I continued my muttering. "Oh my gosh… oh my gosh… oh my gosh…"

"Link, what's wrong?" Alfonzo questioned when he saw my state. I shuddered again before answering.

I shakily held up the broken brake for Alfonzo to see, still not really believing what had just happened. "What?!" he roared. "You broke the train?!"

"I… I…"

"You're going to—!"

"Wait!" Zelda shrieked. "The tracks are, like, gone!" She pointed at where they used to be and now just…. weren't.

"Your highness!" Alfonzo exclaimed. "You're right!"

"Like, of course."

"What's that?!" Alfonzo suddenly turned around and yelled, pointing at the tower.

I turned around to look at where he was pointing, and I saw it. My eyes widened, and I was snapped out of my state of shock.

Huge, grey clouds were gathering out of nowhere around the Tower of Spirits, and their dark shadow spread over Castle Town and my small group by the train. A dark purple, evil looking vortex was swirling about the Tower of Spirits with yellow lightning flashing from it. Instead of my heart fluttering, I think it stopped altogether for a moment.

Thin purple tendrils of the vortex reached down and curled around the Tower, as if they wanted to grab it and then tear it out of the ground. They delicately curled around it, almost like they were making sure that it had the right place. When they connected with the ground, bright blue lightning violently shot up around the Tower and ripped it apart into several different sections.

Rubble flew out, boulders came crashing to the ground, and I turned away and braced myself for the loudest part: when the entire Tower would come crashing to the earth.

I waited for the crash for five seconds, then I realized that it didn't hit the ground. _Huh?_ Cautiously, I turned back around. If the Tower had gone crumbling to the ground, I would've been much less surprised than what actually happened.

The separated pieces were floating back up, more blue lightning flashing between them and keeping them all in the air. When they were back by their original spot, they started spinning in place, like they were still falling in place, and also a lot slower. It was some kind of sight that belonged in a horror movie.

Gradually, the blue lightning faded away until it was only the pieces of the Tower left spinning in the air.

"L-like… what's going on?" Zelda squeaked.

I glanced back up at the swirling vortex and saw that it changed from its purple to ink black. Puffy black, but still frightening looking, clouds came out from under it. In midair, about fifteen feet from the ground, the clouds came together into one large mass. They solidified and came together to make some kind of train.

It had a coal black face with this honkin' red…

"What's up with its _nose_?!" I yelled. The front of the train was like a grouchy old man with flaming blue eyebrows and an oversized red honker. The middle of the train had spinning spikes that looked like they were powering it to keep going. If someone got caught on one of those, they'd be dead and crushed before they could even scream.

It changed direction and started chugging right over to Alfonzo, Zelda, and me. "It's going to _eat me!!_" I screamed looking at its creepy face and then sliding onto the ground for cover. Zelda ducked and covered her head with Alfonzo, and a high pitch gasp came from her when it whistled over our heads.

For a few seconds, I watched it disappear behind some hills with huge frightened eyes. Alfonzo and Zelda had the exact same expression on their face.

"Chi chi chi chi… What're you doing out so late… your… _highness?_" I heard a familiar voice ask full of contempt behind me.

"Chancellor Cole!" Zelda gasped.

We all turned back around to see the beady eyed leprechaun smirking at us all with his pointy teeth. He laughed for a bit, and then the same kind of black clouds that had created the train shot up from the ground and surrounded Cole so he wasn't visible. Lightning sounded, and then the clouds disappeared to reveal a hideous beast:

Chancellor Cole!

No, but really. He was _uglier_ than before!! His two hats were gone to show these segmented horns. The longer one had four segments, and the second one was shorter with three segments, but both of the horns ended in a vicious point. Cole's skin changed from his pale white to a monstrous pale green.

"Ah," he sighed. "Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to pretend to be human? I doubt any of you even knew that 'Chancellor' was only a fancy word for royal babysitter!! Chi chi chi chi!"

"What're you, like, talking about?"

"Wow…" He shook his head. "You really are an idiot princess, aren't you?" he sneered. "The time is finally at hand… Now, all we need help from is _your high-ness_." He coughed out the last three syllables as if they tasted disgusting, were painful to say, and were each their own word.

Alfonzo darted in front of Zelda and spread out his arms. "I won't let you set a hand on the princess," he grunted. "With your permission, Zelda…" He grabbed his sword and held it out in front of him in a fighting pose. "…may I?"

"CHI CHI CHI CHI!! How brave! How gallant! How incredibly _stupid_!" Cole scoffed.

"Shut up. My family has served the royal family for generations, and I won't let it stop now."

A man that had been standing next to Cole on the side-lines walked up in front of Alfonzo. "Byrne, take care of them, will you?" Cole impatiently asked.

The man had one huge arm that was covered with metal and a strong looking, gauntleted hand. His mouth was covered with a green-brown cloth, and his hair was a dark blue with a long ponytail sticking out of the back of his head. The thing that stood out the most about him, though, was his eyes. They were surrounded by red and the irises were a bright, dangerous yellow, with the pupils staring at his enemy, Alfonzo, with treacherous concentration.

"Heh…" Byrne scoffed. "He means business, and I can tell he's no amateur, but… he's still only human." He held his bigger hand out in front of him, just goading Alfonzo to take him on. Alfonzo took a step forward and started circling Byrne. With one quick movement, Alfonzo swung his sword at his opponent.

"Hyah!" he grunted, swinging with all his strength. Clash after clash, neither of them were giving in, that much was obvious. On the seventh hit or so, they were both able to both block each other with the same amount of force. "I said… I will protect the princess… at all costs…" Alfonzo grunted, trying to keep his position.

"And _I_ said that _you're _only human," Byrne scoffed, almost as if he wasn't taking any energy to stay in that position. He and Alfonzo both spun around away from each other at the same time, and then Byrne took a strong punch to Alfonzo's stomach. A loud _clank_ came from the sword when Alfonzo blocked it, but I knew that he hadn't really been able to keep the attack away.

A bright blue flash came from where Byrne's fist connected with Alfonzo's sword, and Alfonzo went flying backwards, and he hit the train with tremendous force. I knew he was knocked unconscious with his landing, because he let out a grunt when he hit the train, but no sound except for his body thudding to the ground afterwards.

"Chya hya hya!" was Cole's new and entertained sounding laugh. "So much for protecting the princess! Chi chi chi! Great show, Byrne! Great show!"

Byrne merely nodded and advanced towards Zelda. "Link! Like, _help me!_"

"Wha—? Oh!" I kicked Zelda to the side and she went sprawling to the ground. _Why am I helping her? Why why why?_

"Eek!! My dress! Look what you did to my dress!!"

_Okay. Think this over. Do I _really _want to help her?_

Byrne brought his fist up and aimed it at me. _No! No I don't want to hel—!_

Suddenly, I was flying through the air like I remembered seeing Alfonzo doing. All Byrne had done was swat me to the side like a pesky insect. My side where Byrne had hit me was hurting so badly. It was burning… no, it was bruised… no… I couldn't tell, but it hurt worse than anything I'd ever known before. "Urgh..."

When I landed, I skipped along the hard ground like a rock over water. I heard Zelda gasp and then gave her frightened command of, "Like, please don't come any closer!" trying to keep Byrne away.

"HAH!" Cole jumped up at Zelda and shot purple lightning from his hands at Zelda. She let out a scared gasp and then… she fell to the ground, sparks of the lightning darting around her unconscious body. A blue glow overtook her, and an orb rose from her and then shot away.

Byrne picked up Zelda's body and walked away victoriously. "Chi chi chi… First step, complete…" I heard Cole happily mutter to himself.

I was delirious. I don't know what I was thinking. _Look… they're so small… _They were walking off into the distance; of course they were small! _If I reach out… I can grab them…_ Yeah, right! _And then… and then... I can __**crush them**__! If I'm lucky, I'll get Zelda with them… too… oh..._

After that, I drifted off. It was impossible to stay conscious after that blow I took. _If that guy's not_ _human, then what is he? _was my last thought before all of my strength completely disappeared and I closed my eyes.

* * *

_Remember, if anybody's got _any_ constructive criticism to give me, I'll gladly take it! Also, if you found any mistakes, don't be shy. Seriously, don't. Well, I'll also gladly take reviews that just say you liked it or where you liked it. :P Or just reviews in general. Meh. 'Kay, I'll shut up now. Latah! ^_^ (Later)_


	3. Getting a Sword

When I woke up, I recalled my last thought about Cole and Byrne. _They must be demons, _I answered myself.

_Hm... I need to stop thinking and just get going._ Feet first onto the floor, I hopped out of bed. _Wait... huh? Bed?_ Looking around the room I was in, I saw that Alfonzo was lying down in another bed, that Teacher guy that gave Zelda my certificate was in the room, seemingly very worried, and there was also a guard by the door.

Teacher turned around to look at me. "Oh! Up already, youngster?"

"Er... yeah..."

"I thought you and your friend might've died over there! Glad you're okay." He gave me a friendly smile and ruffled my hair. I bit my lip extremely hard to stop myself from spitting on the guy. "By the way, have you seen the princess?"

I shrugged. "She got carried off by a couple of demons," I answered nonchalantly.

The man's face distorted to look frightened, but then it changed to look amused. "Ah, you youngsters. Always pulling my leg. But, really. Do you have any idea where she might be?"

"As I said, she was carried off by two demons, the chancellor guy and some other guy. Not like I'd know where they are _now._"

"Y-you're just joking, right, kiddo?"

"Just keep telling yourself that I am, and I'm sure you won't have a nervous breakdown." _Not like I care much about what happens to Zelda anyways._ I started poking Alfonzo's nose to get him to wake up. "Oi, wake up. It's time to go."

He squirmed a bit under his blanket, and then groggily opened his eyes. "Morning already?"

"Come on, we have to go."

He tried to sit up, but then he grimaced. "Dang... my back... I don't think I can go with you, Link."

"Hohoho!" Teacher laughed. "You're only supposed to be complaining about your back once you're _my _age!"

_Good thing he forgot about the whole demon thing already. I just want to leave._

"'Kay, see ya later, Teach. I guess I'll be on my way," I said to the old man, waving a good bye.

"Later, young lad! Watch out for whatever might be making those tracks disappear! It doesn't seem as if anything good has been happening lately."

I nodded. _Yeah, like me meeting Zelda._

A step away from the door, the guard stopped me. Teacher didn't catch anything in our conversation, though, because he was busy fussing over Alfonzo.

The guard started, "Is it really true about the chancellor?"

"Yeah."

"You're an evil kid, you know that?" the guard told me in a warning voice.

"Eh?"

"I know the Chancellor can be mean at times, but calling him a demon is just plain wrong. Get out of here, you little twit!" He shoved me out of the room with the back of a spear-harpoon thing he was holding, all the while glaring at me.

"Wow. And I thought _I _was a jerk," I mumbled while walking away.

Before I was able to do much of anything out of the room, I heard a timid, frightened voice echoing around the castle: "H-hello? Like... can someone please help? P-please? Can, like, anybody even hear me?"

_My gosh... not _her_..._

Carefully, I snuck around the corner of the hallway and peered around the corner of the wall. I saw the entranceway of the castle, the place with the red carpet, and then Zelda drifting down it. She was a ghost; all transparent and almost white.

Even more, I edged along the side of the wall to try and get a better look without her noticing me. (It wasn't that hard for me to imagine her going all, "OMG! LINK! LIKE, _OMG!1!11!one1!_")

She floated over to the guard that had told me to beat it earlier, and she asked, "Guard? Do you, like, know how to help me?"

The guy didn't respond.

"_Why can't anyone, like, hear me?_" Zelda wailed. She started sobbing and quickly hurried into the room I'd had my Engineering ceremony in.

I rushed after her, and the guard called after me when I passed him, but I acted as if I didn't hear him.

"_Waaahhh!_" Zelda disappeared behind one of the large red doors and her baby-like crying quieted down as she apparently was going away.

"Dang…" I tore off to her bedroom the only way I knew: on the roof. With the speed I was going at, it didn't take long at all. When I reached her bedroom, Zelda-ghost was sitting on her bed, crying her eyes. "Like, what's _wrong with me!_ Waaaahhhh!"

Loudly panting from the quick trip I had taken to the bedroom, Zelda finally noticed me. "Z—" I gulped a large amount of air. "Zelda… I… am here…" _Yay. Help the idiot princess._

"L-Link? You can, like, hear me? Can you see me, too? Ohmigosh! My hero!" She leapt up and attempted to hug me, but her intangible body rushed right through me, which gave me the shivers.

She wailed again. "_I can't hug yoooooooouuuu!_"

_Thank goodness..._ My breath was back and I could speak again. "What do you want me to do?" _I just want to get out of here..._ The only reason I was helping out was that she seemed to know more about the Spirit Tracks disappearing than me, and I wanted to do something about it; my village got all of its supplies through the trains.

Zelda sniffled some of her ghost-snot back up her nose, and then she wiped her wet eyes. "Well... I..." _sniff_, "need to, like, give you this panpipe, I guess." She floated over to where she had set her panpipe from earlier (the horrible sounding monstrosity) and pointed at it. "It's a family heirloom, and I can't use it, like, at all." To prove her point, she waved her hand through the panpipe, but the instrument was unaffected. "You might, like, need it later, okay?"

I gave her a gruff nod and jammed it in my pack. "Link, can you, like, still bring me to the Tower?"

"Fine, fine," I answered. "Let's get going."

"Since the train tracks are, like, _gone_, we need to take the forest behind the castle there."

"Can't we just walk there from where the tracks _used_ to be?"

"No," she pouted. "I want you to take, like, the hardest way possible."

"Or else what?" I growled.

"Or else I'll, like, scream at you the whole time. Nobody else can, like, hear me, right?"

I groaned. "Fine."

"Before going to the forest with, like, all the weird creatures that will want to attack you and stuff—"

_Oh, gee. Thanks._

"—you need to get a sword-like thing."

"You mean a sword."

"Yeah, a, like, sword-ma-bobber."

_Great. I'm stuck with an idiot._

"The guard captain's, like, downstairs, and to get a sword, you need to, like, talk to him."

"Can you stop saying 'like'?" I yelled.

"Like, what're you talking about? When was, like, the last time I ever said 'like'?" She looked like she honestly had no idea what I was talking about.

"_Arrgh!_" _I'll lose it if I stay with her for too long!_

"Geez. You need to, like, calm down." I suddenly rushed out of the room and back onto the roof, hoping that Zelda wouldn't be able to catch up with me for a while. Once I was back down on the first floor of the castle, I was frantically zooming around it, hoping that I'd be able to find the guard captain before Zelda.

Everybody I passed by gave me that what-a-weirdo look.

_Found it! _I celebrated when I found the guard captain. He was in a training room that was in the hallway to the right from the entrance of the castle. I could tell it was him because of a more elaborate uniform that the other guards I'd seen, and he was also a rather bulky guy. I mumbled to myself on the way into the room, "Now if I can just get this sword before Zeld—"

She was already in the room, arms angrily crossed and lips pursed together. "Why did you, like, leave like that!"

"You idiot! That was becau—!" The guard captain turned around and stepped over to me. Whispering into my ear, he told me, "You shouldn't talk to yourself. You're looking kind of…" He moved his pointer finger around in a circle pointing at his ear; the 'coocoo' symbol.

Pressing my teeth together harder than I think anybody ever should and glaring at him, I barely got a "You're right. Thanks" out.

"So what're you here for? Training?"

"I need a sword."

"Ah! Of course. A new recruit." He nodded and then walked over to a cylindrical container that showed a bunch of hilts of swords in it sticking out of the top. He went through a couple and picked a rather nice looking one. "Here ya go," he said, expertly tossing the sword towards me with the hilt facing me. With one swift movement of my hand, I caught it. "Looks like we're not going to have a problem getting you through the three basic sword moves. You have a nice grip, recruit."

With a quick nod, I then commanded, "Can we start training now? I wanna get out of here."

Zelda spoke up. "You better, like, hurry up! I'm _booooored..._" she whined.

"Quit it, Zelda," I mumbled.

The guard captain gave me another funny look. "Zelda? Didn't she disappear?" He looked around. "Who're you talking to?"

Hastily shaking my head, I replied, "No one. Just myself. And where'd you get the idea that I said 'Zelda'? I was saying _mor-on._" I glanced at where Zelda was floating in the air with her legs under her dress crossed.

Zelda looked absolutely insulted. "Why, I, like, never!"

I just smirked at her. The guard captain looked over to where I glanced. "Uh... you _sure_ you're okay?"

"If you're trying to give me the idea that I'm out of my mind, I know for a fact that I am very sane."

"_In_sane!" Zelda screamed at me.

"Do you hear anything?" I asked the guard.

"No; just our conversation."

"Hm. Must be my ears." Holding up the sword in front of my face, I couldn't help but look at how beautiful it was. _If only it was a bit lighter, it would be perfect... No. I just need to toughen up again. It's just me._

"Want to start your training, recruit?"

"Okay."

"Alright. Hey, boys!" he called to the other couple of guards sparring with each other in the room. "This recruit needs some training with his new sword."

"Yes, sir!" They both immediately stopped what they were doing and stood up straight to salute their captain.

"Recruit, I'm first going to tell you how to do the basic lunge." He brought his gaze to the guards. "You hear that, boys?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Be ready to defend yourselves; it looks like this kid's got real talent."

Both of the guards nodded and took a defensive stance. "Now what you're supposed to do," the captain started, "is run up to them and bring your sword down like this." He held his two hands above his head and then brought them down quickly in front of himself in a controlled, downwards curve. "Got that?"

"Mm-hm."

"Now go try it. Get a hit in on each of those guards. If you're feeling _especially _cocky, you can try it on me, too."

_Sounds good to me,_ I thought smugly. Quickly twisting around, I caught the first guard off-guard. (Oh, geez. No pun intended.) Jumping up into the air and towards the guard, a quick lunge landed on his chest, but there was no large injury to him; I felt a strong, leathery armor right under the outfit. _Now for the other one..._

Spinning around on the back of my foot, I was able to reach the guard in one second flat. This guy was more prepared, though. I hit the spear's handle instead of him. As fast as I could, I brought the sword down again before he could reset his position and I connected with his chest to meet the same kind of armor as the last guard.

"Haha! He _is_ a natural!" the guard captain jovially laughed. "Wanna try that move on me?"

Rushing towards him, I was feeling filled with confidence. Again, I jumped into the air and brought the sword down as hard as I could. _He's not even moving... What's he doing?_ was my quick thought as my sword rushed down towards him.

**_Clang!_**

My sword hit metal, and I was so surprised to see a sword where my strike landed. _But a second ago, he wasn't—_

A hard punch hit my stomach before my feet even touched the floor and I flew back several feet. Zelda just freaked out. "Link! Ohmigosh! Like, Link! Are you okay?"

"Geez... he's fast," I muttered. Standing back up, I surely stated, "Alright. Once you've showed me all the sword attacks, I'll try and take you on again."

"I like you, kid," the guard captain beamed. "You know what? Why don't you just call me Warren?"

"Alright, _Warren__._" There was a brief pause so I could get some more air. "I'm looking forward to seeing if I can beat you."

"Oh-ho! Beat me, eh?"

"Yeah... if I can't do that today, then I'll try it later."

"It's been a while since I've seen someone with your kind of spirit." He nodded good-naturedly. "Alright, so I gave you my name; what's yours?"

_Dang... everyone knows the whole 'Link' thing... Uh..._ _Here we go!_

"Bob."

"Bob...?" Warren was quiet for a moment. "Hey, Bob!" He called to one of the guards I had been training on. "You hear that? He's got the same name as you! _Haha_! How awesome is that?"

_Alright then... what weirdos. _"Erm... can I finish my training now?"

"Oh, right. Stupid me. Ha... Bob... That's so cool..." Warren slid the sword he had seemingly taken out of nowhere back into the cylinder he'd taken mine from. After clearing his throat, Warren matter-of-factly said, "The next attack I'm going to show you is called the slice."

Zelda, who I wished would just shut up, commented on what Warren had just said. "Heehee... He's, like, _really_ funny! Didn't I, like, tell you that, Link? See? He just, like, added an 's' before 'lice'! Wait... Ew! Lice! That's, like, _sooo _disgusting!" She started shrieking and zooming back and forth, and of course I was the only one tormented by her idiocy.

"You take your sword," Warren began, "and just sweep it in front of you in a wide curve." He demonstrated the attack. "You got that?"

"Yeah. _You ready?_" I called back to the two guards.

"Yes, sir!"

_Wait, did they just call _me_ 'sir'?_

I slowly made my way towards the first guard; he brought his spear up in a slant to protect himself from the inevitable 'slice' he knew was coming.

"Hraah!" I shouted as I swung my sword towards the guard. A slight cracking sound came from the spear as a couple of splinters flew off of it. "Eeyah!" Slicing the other way, I hit the guard himself instead of his spear. Expertly twisting around, I dashed over to the other guard and slashed his spear in two.

"**_What?_**" A loud shout rose from both the guards, while Warren was gaping at what just happened.

_Woah... did _I _just do that?_

Zelda was still rushing around and screaming about some nonexistent lice.

Warren spoke up. "Well, I think that you got the slice down. The attack I'm about to show you can take down almost every kind of enemy that could be surrounding you. It's the spin attack." He then warned, "If you use it too many times in a row, though, you'll probably get dizzy and won't be able to do much for a bit."

"I'll be careful then," I shrugged.

"You can probably figure out how to do this one, right?" Warren gave me a playful wink, and I just nodded. "Go try it out, then!" The guard whose spear had been snapped tossed the wrecked one to the side and picked up and extra one lying around, still ready to help me finish with my training.

_Okay... I can do this one. It sounds cool. _To try and get maximum distance around me, I knew that I had to hold my sword out as far as possible, but to be effective I had to still have a tight grip.

"You ready, Bob?" Warren asked.

"Yup."

"Then go for it!"

The first thing I did was take a crazy, random spin at the first guard, so of course _that_ was deflected. Another spin attack was all it took to send the spear into splinters and get to the guard. Feeling kind of... 'off,' I still went for the next guard with a spin attack. Again, the first was averted, but when I tried to take another spin at the guard, I found myself stumbling around in a circle with the entire room rocketing around me.

"Still need to work on that attack, hm?" I heard Warren note. "Told ya to be careful."

There was a sharp pain in my side, and I shook my head to try and get the room to stop spinning. The guard I had been trying to attack last had jabbed me in the side with his spear, and it hurt but only a tiny bit; almost anything would seem pathetic after that 'fight' with him, if such a pathetic stand off could be considered that. _Well, it's good that happened, then. Now most pain will seem like less of a big deal, _I figured.

I swiftly countered the attack and spun around again, knocking the spear out of the guard's hand, disarming him.

"Nice moves, Bob!" Warren said.

_Oh yeah. He's talking to me._

"I hope I can see you on the battlefield someday! You're done here, unless you still want to try and... beat me?"

"Nah; I guess I'll do that later."

"Alright, don't put it off forever, though! Now go back and do your duty, recruit!"

Zelda snickered. "Hee... He, like, just said, 'Doody.'"

While walking out of the room and ignoring Zelda, I waved to Warren and said, "Thanks!"

Before I disappeared around a corner to go to that stupid forest, Warren called after me, "No problem!"

Out of Warren's earshot, I told Zelda, who had appeared almost out of nowhere, "The forest."

She had been busy picking at her fingernails, so she looked up at me and just dumbly replied, "Huh?"

"The forest," I repeated. "Where is it? How do I get to it?"

Now mining for gold up her shnoz, she answered, "Oh. So, like, _that's_ what you were talking about. Uh..." She droned with that one note for a moment, and then gleefully announced, "On the roof!"

"Again...?" Honestly, I was getting pretty darn tired of the roof.

"Yup!" she nodded, finger out of her nose.

"Ugh..." I groaned, and again ran off to that blasted roof.

"Hey! Like, wait for me!" she shouted.

_Denied,_ I smirked.

Right before I turned a corner and disappeared behind it, I heard Warren yell after me, "Good luck, Bob!"

* * *

_I'm sorry about that long wait... I'll be doing my best to update **at least** every two weeks! I hope I won't have to leave anyone hanging for that long again. o.o_


	4. I Proclaim My Love

_Oh, yay. An update. Looks like my 'every two weeks' idea failed. Miserably. Let's see... 'Last updated: 1-25-10'. Haha! Well... I shouldn't lau__ghing... yeah. Okay!_

_Sorry! (This chapter is also too short after all that time. xP But... I only started it last night. Yeah. I'm smart, huh?)  
_

_In this chapter: Link's sword conveniently falls into plot holes along the way since Warren never gave him a sheath to put it in. Silly Warren. I change the setup of the game again. Link gets chased by bees and he discovers he has apiphobia. (Look up THAT word.) Zelda is still annoying. Link becomes an obvious Gary Stu. You read my stupid and very long author's notes. And... Zelda is still annoying. Oh, yay.

* * *

_

Once I reached the roof, I told the blue-ish and intangible Zelda, who had appeared almost out of nowhere, "The forest."

She had been busy picking at her fingernails, so she looked up at me and dumbly replied, "Huh?"

"The forest," I reiterated, annoyed that I had to go through that again. "Where is it? How do I get to it?"

Now mining for gold up her shnoz, she answered, "Oh. So, like, _that's_ what you were talking about. Uhhhhhhhh..." She droned with that one note for a moment, and then gleefully announced, "We need to, like, go behind the castle and go behind a bunch of trees! How, like, _disgusting_! ILKR*?"

"I didn't say anything…"

"_ILKR?_" she repeated more indignantly than the last time.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, Ms. Princess."

"Hmph."

Trying to just ignore her obvious idiocy, I tried to clarify what she was saying. "Are you talking about the thick barricade-like row of trees behind the castle? I have to go through those and then they'll clear into some foresty area that will lead to the Tower? Even though I already came to the roof because _this _is where you said it would be?"

"Something like that."

I growled to myself. Knowing it was hopeless to try and lose her, I went back inside, down the stairs, outside, and went for the trees that were growing too thickly right behind the castle. Thankfully, it didn't take long; a minute, maybe a minute and a half, or so.

Once I was standing in front of the trees, I asked, "Through here?"

Zelda lazily nodded, and then tried to seem smart by pointing out, "You're, like, _really_ dumb, you know that? I say, 'Trees,' and you say, 'What trees?' I say, 'Like, These trees,' and you ask, 'Here?'" She giggle-snorted into her hand and then floated ahead.

"Zelda!" I yelled. What I did next was dash off after her; I didn't want to lose her here. How the heck was I supposed to know what I was doing? "Zelda!" I repeated.

_Thud._

Accidentally, I ended up running into a tree, and then I heard something soft fall off the shaken tree—and then there was that dreaded buzzing.

"Not _again…_" I moaned, but my stomach was flip flopping like crazy; do I have a phobia of bees?

A large mass of poisonous yellow insects flew up towards me, and I held in my breath, most likely hoping they wouldn't see me if I stayed still.

What am I? Stupid?

They zoomed towards me, and my only answer was an, "AUUUUUGH!" as I took off as fast as I could, swinging my sword behind me. The only reason I was blindly doing that was because I was hoping I would maybe be able to scare them away or something.

Breathing hard during my run, I started yelling at the bees between swings and strides. "Get! A! Way! From! Me!" There was a sharp sting to my hand holding my sword, and I unintentionally dropped it, sending a branch from a tree flying that I had ended up slashing.

The bees kept coming, and I was feeling at a loss as to how to get me sword back without becoming a swollen balloon of bee stings.

"ZELDAAAAA!"

"Like, what is it, Lin—_Eeek! Bees! I _hate_ bees!_" The bees managed to see her or something, maybe it had something to do with them being bugs or animals or anything of the sort, and they all paused at once, seemingly staring at her.

Which I found very, very strange.

Zelda was slowly floating backwards, moving away from the bees, but I ordered through gritted teeth, "Stay. There."

"L-Link, I'm, like, really scared," she shuddered.

"Stay," I repeated. "This won't take long." I cautiously slid under the evil cloud of bees and retrieved my sword. Making sure to switch which hand I was holding it with, I then whispered, "Zelda."

"W-what?" was her quivering reply.

"Run."

She couldn't have obeyed more readily. "_Eeeyaaaah!_" To get away from the shocked bees, I had to match her speed, if anything, run faster.

Suddenly, the trees ended. I looked back to watch for the bees, but they were still rushing closer to me. My breathing was already fast and hard, my stung hand was throbbing, and my legs were shaking.

_If I'm scared to death of freaking bees, what will I do if I have to face the Demon King? _My legs were shaking and I nervously gulped seeing that they weren't going to stop.

And… they stopped.

One of the bees at the very front had passed the clump of trees and then stopped. After that, what followed was like a traffic jam. Several bees flew into each other and flew around in a klutzy way afterwards, buzzing back towards their fallen nest.

"W-woah," I stammered. "T-that w-was weird." Again, I shuddered, and then I clumsily walked away from where the bees had been as fast as I could.

"Zelda? Zelda, where are you?" I called.

From behind a rock, there was a timid sounding, "Over here."

I walked over to the rock and told her, "The bees are gone."

"Are you, like, _sure_?"

"Yes," I sighed.

Stepping away from the rock to turn around and continue to the Tower, I started picking at the bee's stinger that had gotten lodged in my right hand. I grumbled, "Stupid thing… stinging _me_…"

It took only about ten seconds for me to get the darn thing out and flick it away, but then I heard a shout of, "Someone! HELP!"

I looked over to where that had come from. There was a guard all dressed up in that green outfit, trying to poke his spear at an orb-like monster that roughly resembled a demented chipmunk with a small spike on its head. It kept lunging at the guard, maybe trying to bite him.

"Anyone?" the guard yelled again.

"Eew!" Zelda shrieked. "Like, what _is_ that disgusting thing?"

"Stay here," I told her.

"Why?" she moaned.

"Because you'll get in the way, Ms. Prissy-dress."

"Like, hey!"

The guard noticed me out of the corner of his eye, and he screamed over at me, "What are you waiting for, recruit? Get over here and help!"

I responded to his call for help, but I didn't want to run that whole way. "Go away!" I bellowed at him.

His response was a ticked off glare, and then he demanded, "Who do you think you are? You're a recruit, and you're telling _me_ what to d—"

"MOVE!"

I hurled my sword at the chipmunk-monster, and the guard caught on at the last second. He leapt to the side to avoid having his legs chopped off. When the sword landed, it cut straight through the chipmunk, and its last sound was a shocked "_Squeak!_" before exploding into a dark purple cloud that sucked in on itself.

My sword stuck neatly into the ground a bit behind where the chipmunk had been.

"K-kid, you c-could have killed me!"

"Well, by the looks of things, it looked like that stupid thing would've killed you first," I retorted while now walking towards my sword to pick it up. Zelda floated over to me, a look of shock stretching across her face.

"You're, like, _really_ strong," she breathed.

"Thank Alfonzo for that," I muttered. Next, I shook my head and looked at the guard. "You should get out of here. I'm going to the Tower of Spirits."

He gasped, "The Tower of Spirits? What're you going to do there! You're only a recruit!"

"Right. Don't tell me _you'll_ be going there; you couldn't even beat that… thing that was hopping at you a minute ago."

The guard couldn't think of a reply, but while he was trying to, he opened and shut his mouth a few times. "Fine, kid. Just give me your name."

A short pause as I was calmly walking away from him. "I'm Bob."

"Bob… You better be careful, Bob. Who knows what's going on there."

I waved that off. "Yeah, whatever."

The guard leaned against a tree that was only a few feet away from him and let out a sigh. "If you want to take this route, you'll need to… I dunno. Blow up some part of that wall or something to get into a cave. The cave's exit will be right outside the Tower of Spirits. That's what I've heard, at least."

Nodding, I headed over to an odd little flower on the ground that seemed as if it was growing bombs. There was a tannish colored rock wall right behind it. I pointed at the bomb and looked at the guard. "Blow up the wall with this?" I asked.

"Seems right to me, kid. I'm gonna take a nap now. Good luck." He pulled his hat over his eyes and promptly began snoring.

_What a weirdo,_ I thought while plucking the bomb off the flower. It came off rather easily, and the bomb was as big as my head, but, surprisingly, it wasn't that heavy. The fuse on the top lit right when I picked it up, but I wasn't feeling too worried since the fuse was burning away very slowly. "Okay…" I muttered. "Where do I throw it…?"

My first idea was to look for anything on the wall that might give away that it was… 'hollow' or anything of the sort. Nothing. So, as my next bright idea, I started walking along the wall and kicking it every few steps.

While still holding the bomb.

The wall seemed the same all the way across, and I was just about to set the bomb down and think, when the bomb started blinking red and quickly expanding and shrinking over and over again. "_What the heck?_" I yelled.

"Shut up…" the guard quietly murmured. "You're too…" He let out a yawn. "…loud."

"Freaking—" The fuse was a millimeter from the bomb-thing, and my eyes widened as I grimaced, thinking about what would happen if it blew up while I was holding it. I freaked out and randomly chucked it away from me.

_Boom!_

The bomb hit the wall and the wall crumbled to the ground, sending a large amount of dust into the air along with large rocks falling to the ground to reveal some kind of cave.

"Yes!" I celebrated. "Zelda, get over here! We're going in there."

"Do I, like, _have _to?" she whined.

"Yes. It's your fault I'm taking the 'hardest way possible," I smirked.

"Awww… But it looks, like, soooo gross!"

"Deal with it, Prissy."

"Stop calling me that!" she wailed.

"Prissy."

"Waaah!"

The first thing I had to do was let my eyes adjust for a bit since it was so dark.

"It's, like, so dark," Zelda gasped.

"Yes, and it's also apparently time for prissy princesses to point out the obvious," I curtly replied.

"That's, like, _so_ not nice!"

"Do I care?"

"Waaah!"

"Stop that!"

"_Waaah!_"

"Augh!" I covered my ears to protect them from the merciless onslaught of what someone might call a crying 'princess.'

"STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF, BOB!" the guard that was trying to sleep hollered.

"SHUT UP!" I roared to both Zelda and the guard.

"You're, like, stupid," Zelda sniffled.

"We've already gone through this…" I mumbled to Zelda.

"I, like, know that. I just wanted to, like, tell you again, okay, Stupid?"

"Call me Bob," I chuckled.

"Like, no."

"Fine. Oh, and by the way, you might want to move."

"Why?"

"There's rats behind you."

"Oh, pfft! As if I, like, would fall for—EEK!"

Three purple rats were dashing towards her, and she just shrieked and shrieked and shrieked. "Link! Kill them!"

I spun around with my sword and was able to bring them all down with that. They all turned into a puff of purple like the chipmunk-thing had become. One of the rats' cloud became a green Rupee, and then the others' just disappeared. I picked up the Rupee and put it into my sack where I keep my money; I was kind of low on them, so I took that as a stroke of good luck.

Zelda giggled. "Link, you're, like, really strong!"

"We've gone through this already."

"So? You're _hawt!_"

"You said it wrong. It's, 'You're _hot_.'" I realized what I just said. "EEEEW!"

"Aaaw! Like, how _sweet_!" Zelda cooed. "You like me!"

"No! No I don't! Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!" I stuck my tongue out and started vigorously wiping it down with my hand.

Zelda didn't hear a word of that; she was too busy twirling through the air and singing in a tone deaf voice. "Link likes me, Link likes me. Ooooh, yay! Lalalalalalala! Link likes me, Link likes me—"

"_No I don't!_"

"No, like, need to deny it!" she sang.

"I'm not denying anything!"

"You're so sweet, Link!"

"Augh!"

As fast as I could, I just dashed full speed through that cave; going up stairs, moving boxes onto switches to open up doors, slashing at bats, (collecting their Rupees) and trying to avoid Zelda altogether. I heard her voice coming at me several times, cooing about how I 'like, love her so,' and the reply I ever gave her to that was, "Buzz off, creep!"

She took that as a sign of affection.

After five, maybe ten, minutes my side was ready to split open from a cramp I had worked up from that running. Then I saw the greatest relief.

Light.

Light was flooding in from an opening of the cave, and I yelled out an overjoyed, "Yes!" The knowledge that I'd be able to get to the Tower of Spirits and (hopefully) away from Zelda was the greatest reward I could think of.

"Link! Liii-ii-ink! My love!"

"GET AWAY!"

The Tower was right in front of me. I felt as if I was losing my mind, and I somehow had the idea that if I made it into the Tower before Zelda, she would leave me alone forever. "Lii-i-ink! Where are yoooouu?"

"Nowhere!" I yelled back at her, seeing her finally emerging from the cave.

Coincidentally, I ended up running right into the Tower because I wasn't looking at where I was going. And was knocked unconscious.

Oh boy.

* * *

_*ILKR: IKR = I know, right? Let's see if you can guess what the L stands for.  
_

_As always, I would appreciate it if you find a typo and then point it out or just review in general. To you people that didn't like this:__ just wondering, how many people do you (those of you who have actually read this far) think look at the GENRE of stories on here? Rather interesting, the reviews I get on this. (Note: this one is Parody/Action/Adventure. Oh? Didn't catch the first part? Okay. PARODY/Action/Adventure. It's been that since I've submitted this fic.)  
_


	5. Too Much Rambling

_IT. IS. MEEEE! IT. IS- (Hey! Don't X out of the chapter!)  
_

_Yes. The almighty Zelda-reputation-killer is back._

_Updated: 3-1-10 (Today's date: 4-24-10)  
_

_Ah. It's been a while, no?_

_Oh, I just typed all this up today, so if you see a typo, point it out. If you want to flame, flame. If you like it, review. If you don't like it... STILL REVIEW! _8D

* * *

When I woke up, I was staring into the eyes of a worried looking old lady with a long, pointed nose and a curly wisp of pale purple hair on her head. "You were out for quite a while," she croaked. "Are you okay?"

I opened my mouth to say something but was interrupted by Zelda's annoying voice. "Oh, we were, like, just playing hide-and-seek, and he wasn't, like, looking where he was going. At. All." She giggled. "He can be kind of silly sometimes. Heehee."

"Oh," the old lady chuckled. "Couple trouble?"

That comment was impossible for me to take. Jumping up from the floor, I angrily yelled, "Heck no! Do you have any _idea _how _annoying_ she is?"

Zelda looked shocked. "But… but… in that cave over there… didn't you say you liked me?" Ghost-tears started to well up in her eyes.

"Oh, come _on._ Don't cry!" I angrily protested. "I never said anything like that! I've never been on a date in my life! Do you think I _care_! No! I don't!"

"Oh…" Zelda breathed. "It's okay. It's okay. I, like, can't imagine why you haven't ever gotten one, with you being so hawt…"

_Oh, geez._

"…and everything. You're, like, really strong, too! I get at least three guys asking me out a day, so I, like, can't imagine why you—"

"Are you stupid!" I yelled at Zelda.

"L-like, h-huh?"

"The guys probably only ask you out because you're always wearing that dress and makeup! You know what else? You're. A. Prin. Cess. They probably want to inherit your money!"

Zelda's lips started to quiver like she wanted to say something but couldn't. The old lady started to unsurely wheel away from our bickering, and that was when I noticed that it looked like she had a wheelchair with the Hyrule symbol on the front _built_ into her instead of legs.

"Woah, lady!" I yelled, turning around to get a better look at the wheels while feeling struck with awe. "That's awesome!"

She turned around. "What is?" Noticing my staring at her 'wheelchair-legs,' she answered, "Oh? This? Well, erm, thanks, young man. It's a sage thing. You might see what I mean when you meet the others. But, maybe you should try saying something nice to Zelda over there for a change."

"What are you—No! That's stupid! _She's _stupid! I—! Wait. You can see her?"

The old lady nodded and then told me, "Call me Anjean, and I'm the sage of this Tower."

Over in a corner, Zelda was trying, but failing, to bang her head on a wall while all of her little wussy-broken-hearted-tears streamed down her face while moaning that 'her one true love left her.' Anjean continued, "I really think you should say something to her. She's going to have to come along with you on your journey to restore the Spirit Tracks."

"Okay, okay." I rolled my eyes and went over to Zelda. When I reached her, I tried to comfort her. …It turned out pretty pathetically, though. "Zelda, I _really_ don't like you, but—"

She threw her head back abruptly and burst out with a loud, "**_WAAAAAHHHH!_**" Then she continued her sad moaning, but she didn't go back to her bang-head-fails.

"—but I…" I had to gulp before saying this. It was the most difficult thing possible since I just really didn't like her at all and this was all just a flat-out lie. "…I need you—no; _want_ you—" I cringed so hard there. "—to come with me to… to…" I gulped again. "…help me bring the Spirit Tracks back." One of my eyes twitched involuntarily.

A short sniffle when Zelda snorted up some of her runny snot pouring out of her nose. Then she hesitantly asked, "R-really?"

_If you haven't noticed my strained voice while I'm saying this and my eye twitch, then…_ "Yes. Really."

"Ooooh! Link!" she sang. She immediately soared over to hug me, but I quickly dodged out of the way.

"Okay, Zelda. You can _only _come with me as long as you don't _ever_ do something like that again. Ever."

She gave me a happy nod. "Alright," I said, clapping my hands together. "Now that we understand each other, let's talk to Anjean. She'll tell us what to do." Another delighted nod. "You can stop that now." Again a nod, but it stopped in the middle. Instead, a confused expression spread over Zelda's face. I smirked at her.

"Anjean, what do Zelda and I need to do?" I called after the strange old lady.

"Oh. Everything already mended after that harsh rejection?" she inquired. A smart-aleck comment almost found its way out of my mouth, but I bit my tongue before it got out. She probably noticed what I was doing, because she chuckled quietly right after I did that. "Well," she carried on, "all you have to do is collect all the fragments of the Sprit Tracks' map. Sounds simple, no?"

Zelda laughed with a huge grin, "Like, heck, yeah! All we have to do is, like, go into some museum and steal some pieces of some, like, _really_ old map? Link can do that!"

I glared out of the corner of my eyes at her and stiffened to resist the urge to attempt a punch at her, even though I knew it would do absolutely nothing*. Also, I was thinking what an idiot she was. _Steal them from a _museum?_ She really is stupid!_

Anjean laughed at what Zelda said before going on. "No, no. You have to travel all around Hyrule to collect them."

Zelda's grin disappeared.

Continuing with her explanation, Anjean said, "When you collect a piece of the map, a bit of this Tower will be restored."

"And, how does _that_ work?" I asked.

Anjean gave me a short shrug and replied, "It's part of the magic that sealed the Tower together, but it was broken by that strange storm that you saw yesterday."

"How'd you know we saw that?" Zelda and I yelled in surprise at the same time. (Well, she had a 'like' thrown into the middle of it, but…)

All the lady did was state the obvious: "It's not too hard to notice a couple young 'uns with a train-wreck behind them gawping at an unusual sight. Besides, that train that passed over you was begging for attention."

Chuckling nervously, I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah… that makes sense. Hehe…"

That was when Zelda burst out with such a sudden volume that it made me shiver, "_Oh, yeah! And, like, where did those two demon-people-creature-uglies take my body to!_"

"Will you quiet down!" I bellowed over her. _Besides, _I thought, my opinion of Zelda dropping even lower than it was originally (which astonished me that is _could _go lower), _wasn't one of them someone who'd been at the castle for a while? Chancellor Cole, right?_

And, that was when Anjean started chortling. "Oh, you two are just so entertaining."

"No we're not!" I snapped at her.

"That there proves my point," she sniggered. Then she cleared her throat. "Alright," she began with much more professionalism or whatever you'd like to call it. "Those demons wanted your body so that they could resurrect the Demon King, Malladus, into it. They can only use a body of high royalty, and your parents' bodies would have most likely just been too frail or weak for them to use.

"Your body, Zelda, would have been fine, as it most likely would be easier to get used to. Now, I don't know for sure as I'm only theorizing as to why they would choose you specifically, but as far as they care, you're out of the way. …Zelda?"

Zelda was staring at Anjean with her mouth hanging open in shock; her eyes were surprisingly large, too.

"Zelda?" Anjean repeated.

"Th-they… OHEMGEE! OHMYROYALCAT! THEY JUST, LIKE, **TOTALLY** STOLE MY BODY FOR A DEMON KING TO POSSESS! EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-_EEEEEEW!_"

Forget I said that her outburst before that one was loud. I was just hoping that since she's only a spirit, her voice wouldn't have typical sound waves and break my eardrums for life. Again, I felt one of my eyes twitch, and then I yelled at her, "Shut up! Will you. Shut. Up!" Even Anjean looked quite pained by Zelda's shriek.

What Anjean did was begin rather unsurely: "I-I guess it could be gross, but, Princess, wouldn't you be more worried about the people of your kingdom being worried that it is _you_ who is destroying them?"

"Like, no way! I mean, would you just, like, _think _about this for a moment? There's, like, this _Demon_ who's running around in your _body, _and… Ugh." If it was possible for a ghost, she looked even paler.

"Geez…" I groaned. "Zelda, Anjean is right. Maybe it _might_ be disgusting, but if I was in your position, I'd be thinking more about what she said."

Zelda 'hmph'ed and crossed her arms, beginning to very slowly float upwards. I rolled my eyes. "Anjean," I started, "what do you say we do right now?"

"Well," she started, "you need to go up those stairs over there. See them?" She pointed over towards the back of the room, and, sure enough, there was a large flight of stairs that led into a much larger room. The stairs changed into a path that twisted around in circles along the walls of the Tower.

"Yeah, I see them." (Zelda had uncrossed her arms and begun nodding, even though I think she was just trying to look smart.)

"You'll need to go up them to retrieve the map that lies at the top of this building."

"Why can't _you_ do that?" I retorted, now feeling like I was being sent to do some person's errand.

"Well, I thought you already noticed these." She looked down at her wheelchair-legs. "They make it quite impossible to go up and down stairs."

"Gee, that must stink, lady. By the way, since you technically can't really walk, how do you exactly go to the bathr—"

She cut me off with a louder-than-usual chortle.

"'Kay, then… So I have to bring…" I leaned in closer to Anjean and then quietly hissed into her ear, "…_her_ with me?" while jamming my thumb in Zelda's direction, who was patiently cleaning out her nose.

Anjean snorted, and said, "Yes, I believe you do have to take her with you."

Rolling my eyes, I stood up straight again and then looked at Zelda. "Come on, you. Let's get going."

Zelda slowly nodded and then replied, "Okay." She lazily floated over to the stairs that Anjean had instructed us to go up, which rather surprised me since she was never enthusiastic about anything of this nature.

Or she had no idea that this wasn't going to just be a walk through her castle.

I paced behind Zelda, as she wasn't floating that fast. When I entered past the doorway that the stairs led into, I was amazed. Peering down and away from the pathway that was entwined along the walls of the Tower, there seemed to be no bottom floor whatsoever. Looking up, I could see the sky and Tower's floating pieces. "Man…" I gasped, amazed by the seemingly unending pit. "I hope I won't fall down there…"

That image made me suddenly take a shaky step away from the edge. "I'll… stay along the wall," I decided out loud.

"Are you, like, going to be coming or what?" Zelda said. She was already floating by another doorway that was on the opposite wall of the Tower than I was on.

"Alright, alright! I'm coming!" I ran up towards her, but I skirted along by the wall, taking care not to get too close to the edge of the path.

"Like, hurry u—"

"_I'm hurrying up!_" I bellowed. My voice reverberated around in the Tower until I reached Zelda, and that did _not_ help me feel any more comfortable about the size of this place.

"Like, finally. Why'd you, like, take so long?"

"Be quiet, will you?"

"Hmph. Did you mean what you said back in there?" She pointed over to where Anjean was intently watching us on the Tower's main floor. "Like, the nice stuff and all? 'Cause… I thought you, like, hated me…" She started twiddling her thumbs and looking down at the staircase, avoiding my gaze.

"N—I mean, yes! I meant… every word." I remembered how I said, '_…I need you—no; _want_ you—_' and I wanted to puke.

"Let's just get going," I mumbled, beginning to feel nauseous.

So, what happened when we walked into that room? Well, I remember taking about ten steps, and then this horned-demon creature seemed as if it appeared out of nowhere a couple yards in front of us and looked at us with beady red eyes. It was armored and everything; no sword should have been able to scratch it.

The second thing I noticed after its strong looking body and large shield was its sword; it was probably longer than I was tall, and about three-fourths as thick as I was! The end of the sword had nasty looking spikes sticking off the sides before the end.

The third thing… It glared at us.

Fourth… It lifted up its sword, but before it had a chance to bring it down, Zelda and I were already long gone out of that room.

* * *

*Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's twice removed _roommate_!

Lone Starr: What's that make us?

Dark Helmet: ** Absolutely nothing!**

_Hehe. LimeLavender, thanks for the review! If it weren't for you, I doubt that I would have updated this for at least another six months. ^^ (Not kidding. I was losing interest in this and was ready to delete it.)_

**Edit ****9/23/'10:**_ Hm. Link _was_ really harsh in this chapter, huh? ...I might've been venting something that was bugging me in my unconscious or something cheesy like that. I apologize. I really don't think he'll do something like that again.  
_


	6. Leroy and Jumbo Towel

_Updated: 4-24-10_

_Yay! Finally, it's a new chapter. Okay, I'm not gonna be doing any more "Bokeybokes, I'll update in a week, dur" stuff; I'll just update when I feel like it/get to it, okay? Okay._

_And... I'm actually apologizing about some of the past chapters. Link was _SERIOUSLY_ hard on Zelda in some of them. :/ He won't be like that again. 'Course, he still won't be fond of Zelda, but he won't end up being a complete and utter jerk. :)_

_So, with that in mind, enjoy this next chapter!  
_

* * *

"Anjean! Anjean!" Zelda and I both squealed, with me tumbling down the stairs back into Anjean's room.

"Like, there was this _huge_ monster thing, like, totally _in_ there!" Zelda gasped.

"What the heck _was_ that?" I screamed, regaining my footing and running over to Anjean again. "What was it doing in there!"

Anjean chuckled, and then she simply said, "Oh, that was a Phantom. They protect this Tower."

"Well, why was it protecting the Tower against _us?_" I protested. "We didn't do anything!"

"Hm? I don't follow." Anjean's face was suddenly filled with a mixture of both confusion and concern. "It atta—"

Zelda interrupted, "It, like, almost _killed_ us! We were, like, totally out of there before it could, though." She nodded stiffly with crossed arms, as if that were a huge achievement.

"Actually, for once," I began, "Zelda's right. We were gone right when it lifted its sword."

"That's strange…" Anjean lowered her head for a moment to think. When she raised it again to look at us, she shrugged. "An evil spirit might have possessed it. The Spirit Tracks aren't protecting Hyrule anymore, so that's quite possible."

"Okay, okay, I got that," I said, "but if we're going to be saving this Tower and Hyrule and everything, how are we going to get past it? Even though it's got that big clunky armor and all, if it even _nicks_ me, I'm dead. Or, at least an arm will be gone or something."

"Hm…" Anjean pondered. "Okay. Well, all you have to do is collect three Tears of Light. Once you've done that, their energy is concentrated into the nearest sword, so just make sure that Phantom isn't nearby."

"Why, like, the nearest sword?" Zelda wondered. "Couldn't they just, like, um, be coonsentratted into somebody's fist?"

"Hey, I didn't make them."

"_Alright_," I interrupted into their little conversation. "How 'bout we just get the Tears of Light, okay? I'd like to get that map and be on our merry little way. You could go back to your castle after that, Zelda."

"I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way, really," Anjean sighed. "You'll have to collect the rest of the piec—"

"Okay, okay. Fine. I'll have to be with Zelda even longer."

_Dang it._

"And," I continued, "she's going to be tagging along with all over Hyrule, while people will start to say, 'Oh, it's that crazy kid that talks to himself.' Good for me.

"Alright… I'm going," I moped. "Zelda, you're coming."

"Does that mean we have to, like, meet up with that Fintum again?"

"Yes. We'll see that 'Fintum'. Oh, joy, right?"

I started to walk off towards the stairs leading up the Tower for the second time, and Anjean wished us good luck. I nodded.

"Like, good bye, Anjoin! See you, like, later! Good bye! Bye! See you in a—"

"See you later, too, princess." Anjean smiled.

Once we were at the entrance of the room, I glanced down the mini-hall in front of us to look for the Phantom.

Nothing.

Thank goodness.

"Okay, Zelda," I whispered. "I'm being super serious right now."

"When, like, _aren't_ you?"

"_Sshh! _I don't want that thing to hear us. I have no idea if it will be able to hear you since so far it's only Anjean and me, but I don't want to take any chances," I quietly continued. "I just want to get those Tears of Light and—"

_Wait a minute._

"Um… Link, like… did Anjean say to do anything after your sword is all, like, powered up?"

"I-I don't think she did…" _Aw man…_

"OH!"

"_SSSSSHHHH._"

"Right," she whispered. "I was only, like, wondering if you have to _battle _the Phantom or something, like, totally epic like that." Zelda grinned.

I moaned. "I _really_ hope not…"

"Loke-ely-dokely!"

"_Please_ try to be quiet…?"

"That's right. Sssshh…"

"By the way, Zelda, I have absolutely no idea where those Light things will be, so can you scout the—"

Perfect time for the Phantom to show up.

I stared at the Phantom, and he (or is it only an _it?_) stared back. When I had noticed him, his sword was lazily hanging to the side, but now he was in full battle-stance.

With a shiver, dry throat, and then a gulp, I managed to croak, "Zelda…"

"Y-yeah?"

"Hurry and get away. _Now._ If it's going to kill me, just find somebody else to do the whole 'map quest' think, 'kay?"

"I, like, totally won't do that!"

"Get away."

"Like, no!"

"Now."

The Phantom was carefully advancing on us; I could tell it was sizing me up to see if it could take me. I really have no idea why it was doing that, though. It had to be at least twice my size, easy.

"I, like, totally will not—"

"_NOW, ZELDA!_"

She had been rigidly staring at the Phantom, same as me, and I knew she was scared to ghost-death. Hurriedly, she zoomed off.

I drew my sword to face the Phantom, and I took two wobbly steps towards it.

_What am I doing?_

Pathetically enough, I felt like my heart was going to pound its way out of my chest. The pain from just flat-out fear seemed as if it would kill me before the Phantom reached me.

_Can't I just run away?_

Both of us took two more steps.

As much as I wish I could say I at least tried to fight the Phantom – and my fear – all I did was close my eyes and thrust my sword out in front of me.

What? Did I think that would protect me or something? Man, am I dumb.

With only one of my eyes opened enough so I could see the Phantom raising its sword, I prepared myself to die. At that moment, that instant, I was ready to lose my life.

"HEY!_ Like, leviathan with the mammoth derrière!_"

Never did I think I'd be so happy to hear Zelda's voice.

Instantly whirling around, the Phantom searched the room for where the voice had come from; I didn't even know where it had come from, so I was kind of interested, too, but it was awesome because the insult was just absolutely echoing all around the room: "..._mammoth derrière! _Derrière! …derrière! …derrière…" That just made it all the more confusing.

With the 'leviathan' perplexed and busy I carefully slunk past him and out of that beginning hallway. Outside of that, there were walls extending for about forty feet to both my right and left, along with an immense double-door that was looming in front of me.

"Zelda! Where the heck are you?"

There was some rapid, metallic clunking and suddenly Monster-Of-The-Week came running up, sword at the ready.

For whatever reason, this time I didn't feel frightened in the least. Instead, I was annoyed and I rolled my eyes.

_That's more like me_, I thought with a cocky smile, feeling a bit more content now.

"What do you want, you living shell? So, if you're working the demons, good for you. Once you kill me or so kindly amputate one of my arms, then what? You take over the world and demons reign supreme?

"Congratulations. You'll have the whole world to zoom around and cackle insanely at. Any other ideas in mind that won't have me sighing, 'Cliché'?"

He stumbled backwards. In shock? I don't know. Did he trip while standing still? Who knows. I know I've done that before, dumb as it sounds.

His beady red eyes were larger than they had been when I first met him, and maybe it was just my imagination, but… _do_ demons get surprised? I mean, hey, they're the embodiment of evil and all, so I figured that I wouldn't be able to sway its opinion or anything just by that dumb little talk.

Anyways, back to what was going on.

Almost the instant after he stumbled, he regained his footing, so I figured he'd just happened to trip on some inconveniently placed pocket of air or stray pebble.

Now he was _angrier_ than before. His glowing eyes were slits, and he had his sword pointing right at me, firmly holding onto the hilt.

"Hey, Zelda, where's that first Drop of Light thing?"

"There's, like, this really bright, shining thing totally over here!" She was over to my right, lingering over a wall that stopped short a few feet from the ceiling; there was an opening in the wall twenty feet behind me.

"Zelda?"

"Like?"

"Will you be able to distract the Phantom while I get that?"

"Do you think that it will, um, be able to, like… reach me up here?"

"Who knows, but I have to get going."

"S-sure thing… Like…" I heard her force a frightened lump in her throat down, and then she drifted over the chamber that was locked behind that large door and to the other side of the room.

Again, she gulped, and then she yelled, "Hey! Gorbellied foot-licker! I'm, like, totally over here! I'm, like, _waaaay_ better than he is, 'cause, like… like… um…"

"She's the princess of this place, and your Demon Leader wanted her!"

With a brief grunt, the Phantom took off (I'm going to call him Leroy from now on. The whole 'the Phantom' thing is getting old.) and went off to try and attack Zelda. Really, I had no idea if that wicked sword of his could slice spirits, and I didn't want to take any chances.

I rushed around the wall to where Zelda had said the Tear of Light was. Sure enough, a teardrop-shaped orb-thingy was lazily spinning around in place several yards ahead of me.

_Wow. I really never thought I'd say this – or anything like this – but…_

"Thank you, Zelda…" I mumbled, hardly audible to even me.

"You're welcome!" came the cheery reply.

"GRAWR!" grawred Leroy.

"Shut up, Leroy!"

"Like, um, who's Leroy?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Oh! So you, like, really _do_ talk to yourself, then!"

"You be quiet, too, Zelda." _Geez…_ I walked over and picked up the Tear of Light – kind of like picking up Jell-O. Right when I grabbed it, though, it evaporated into a glowing vapor and swirled around me in neat little curls.

"Egh…" I took a couple of swats at the glowing stuff, but decided against it – maybe it turning into glowy stuff was a _good _thing.

I hoped.

It whirled around my head, going faster and faster, and then suddenly it all zoomed off somewhere like it had suddenly gone ludicrous speed and disappeared. Didn't go plaid, though.*

"Alright, then," I said. "Whatever."

After just taking a single step, I suddenly felt a weight appear in my droopy green gnome hat. "What is it_ now?_" I took off my hat and looked in it.

There, at the very furthest point of the tip, was the Tear of Light I had grabbed. It was smaller and could easily fit into the indent of my palm now.

"Yeah, stay there if you want," I muttered. "Weird thing."

"How 'bout you, like, stop talking to yourself and get over here, like, now, please?"

"Yeah, sure, Zelda." Putting my hat back on, I made my way back over to where Zelda's voice had echoed from. Once around the third corner of the dungeon thing that was so… architecturally geniously placed smack in the middle of the room, I saw Zelda sticking her princess-tongue out at Leroy, a yard or so above him. He was angrily jumping up and down, waving his sword at her: Jump, flail flail. _Clunk._ Jump, flail flail. _Clunk._

I felt like I could almost pity Leror, he looked so dumb.

Now figuring that Zelda had super-spirit hearing or something, I muttered, "Keep it distra—" _Clunk._ "—cted. Keep its mind off—" _Clunk._ "—me."

"Alrighty-dokey, artychoky!" she beamed.

For once, Zelda actually managed to make me smile.

"Zelda, now where's the next Tear?"

She pointed in front of her. "There's, like, this super huge turnch between the Tare and you, though, okay, Link?" And, yes, she really did say 'Tare.'

_Turnch? Something to turn?_ "Got it, Zelda." With a nod, she then put her thumbs in her ears in an 'Imma moose' gesture and proceeded to cross her eyes and spit spiritly spit at Leroy.

I took a turn around another wall that was to my side and started to look for a lever or something. I was looking all over the walls, the floor, ceiling, and then I let my gaze slide away from myself over the ground and I saw what she meant:

'Trench.'

_Oh, crud._ "Zeldaaa! Did you mean 'trench'?"

"Yeah, that's, like, what I just said: turnch."

All I felt I could do was grumble to myself. "Well, any idea on how to get around this 'turnch'?"

She didn't answer, but her face scrunched up in concentration.

What felt like five minutes later, she finally made a decision: "Oh! Like, how 'bout you poke this purple ball that's, like, over where I am?"

_Clunk._

With a roll of my eyes, I thought, _Leroy's still going at it?_

I slowly and carefully made my way over to where Zelda was hovering and taunting Leroy and tiptoed around another wall.

A dark purple orb was placed on top of a little platform, and it looked completely out of place. _Why is _that _there? _"Doesn't make sense," I mumbled.

"ILKR?" Zelda agreed. "So, like… um… _poke _it! I wonder if something will, like, happen or something." She looked too excited about me touching a purple orb; I didn't think it was possible for her to get so excited over something so simple.

So, just to satisfy her 'like, royal curiosityness,' I poked it with my finger.

I hadn't been anything to happen at all, so I was surprised when something _did _happen.

The orb lit up – _really_ bright. It reacted by flashing a bright green which blinded me for a second, and it even startled Leroy and Zelda, but Zelda recovered the quickest; she started to giddily clap and swerve side to side after blinking a couple of times to let her ghost-eyes adjust.

"What the heck just happened?" I ordered.

"Blargle snarf," Leroy snorted.

A sudden thundering filled the room, and the ground started to shake.

"Like, _royalcat ohemjeez!_ It's teh earthquake! Teh earthquaaaaaaaaaake!" Zelda wailed, grasping the sides of her face. Of course, since she was a ghost and was floating in midair, she didn't have anything to worry about.

Unlike Leroy and me.

We both had terrible footing and were trying to avoid each oth—Wait. No.

I was just trying to avoid Leroy.

Leroy was doing his best to do a cruddy little hop-fall thing over towards me; for being such a clunky heap of living steel, he was doing a pretty good job at it.

"Stay away, Leroy," I warned, holding my sword towards him and at the same time trying to keep my balance and carefully work my way behind him.

All of my weight was shifted in a specific way to keep me balanced and ready to try and take off running, just in case Leroy suddenly seemed like more of a threat than I had currently been seeing him as.

_Rrrrrrmmmm…_

The earthquake was a lot smaller now – probably only a 2.1 on the Whatever-it's-called Scale.

_Kmpf._

The room shuddered to a halt, and I tripped at the sudden stillness.

With a malicious gleam in his glowing red eyes, Leroy saw an opening to attack me with. He spun around with his sword above his head, glanced down at me, and swung it down right toward my head.

I forced all my weight into my elbows and rolled away from where I'd been an instant ago. Leroy's sword kept going and lodged into the ground, and it was completely trapped in a three foot deep wedge that had been created by the blow; Leroy struggled to take the sword out of the floor, but – thank goodness – it seemed to be stuck fast.

He glared at me, I stuck out my tongue, and Zelda cried, "Hey! Like, Link! There's, like, totally this bridge over here! Now I think that you can, like, get the Tore of Light!"

_Now it's the 'Tore' of Light?_ For probably the billionth time, I rolled my eyes at Zelda, but I rushed back to where she was pointing.

Where there had originally been a ten yard trench separating me from the Tear of Light, there was now this purple bridge – same hue as the orb had been, now that I think about it – connecting to the area jutting out of the wall so I could get the ToL. ('Tear of Light'. There. That's easier. Oh, wait. How 'bout I just call them 'Towels'? Capitalized.)

Once I had reached the Towel, I picked it up and let it do its oh-hey-let's-turn-into-sparkly-little-dust-bits-and-then-go-into-this-kid's-green-gnome-hat-thing-teehee routine. I went back over the bridge, but right when I turned the corner, Leroy was oh-so conveniently there to confront me, sword out of the floor.

"Move it, freak show," I growled. "I can get scarier than a demon if you make me angry."

'Course he didn't react; I didn't expect him to, really, especially since he literally _was_ the demon in the room.

"Leroy…" Now I was getting irritated. "_Move._"

Zelda giggled. "You're, like, talking to yourself again."

"Zelda, shut up and tell me where the next Tow—er, Tear of Light is."

"Over there." She pointed to her left.

"Do I have to get past Ler—the _Phantom_, I mean, in that case?"

"I think it, like, totally looks like that, uh… Yeah. Like… yeah." She nodded.

"Got it."

Leroy was still in front of me; he hadn't moved.

"Alright, Leroy. You're not the brightest, I can tell. First off, you try to slash apart a ghost that's higher than you can reach, and then you just stay in one place while I'm having a conversation that's all fine and dandy with the aforementioned ghost for a minute. You're _really_ not smart."

He slowly lowered his sword, lowered his head, and then sluggishly made his way over to a dark corner and sulked. He banged his metallic head against the wall a couple times, too.

"Wow. I didn't think that a demon could be insulted…" My eyes were a bit wider than I think they should've been. "Well, learn something new every day, as Niko always said." I shrugged.

Less than a minute later, I'd found the third Jell-O-ey Towel, and it was in my hand. For a few seconds I waited for it to turn into dust, but nothing happened.

"Okay, what? Do something!" I yelled at it. "Come on!"

"I think that, like, maybe it's, like, um, um, um, um… … … _broken._"

I stared at it for a moment, making my eyes as large as they could go.

Still nothing.

Leroy moaned.

"Yes, Leroy, you're still dumb."

He moaned louder.

_Just stay there. Please._

Then I decided that glaring at the last Towel would change something.

It didn't.

"Okay… Maybe I…" I dumped the other two shrunken Towels out of my hat and dropped them into my hand. I forced the last Towel – still normal size – next to the other two.

Nothing.

Then I jammed them into each other; they were still all Jell-O-ey, right?

No problem, they all molded in with each other after I went through the trouble of not having them fall onto the ground. Man, was it more difficult than I thought it would be! They like to roll around.

Now there was one extra large Towel in my hand, and _then_ it started doing something.

It jumped out of my hand.

And, started to hop away.

I stared after it.

_Wait a second…_

"Where the heck are you going!" I yelled after it.

"But, I'm not, like, doing anything!" Zelda cried.

"I wasn't talking to you…"

She stared at me blankly.

_Yay. She's quiet. _

Now Zelda was staring at me like I was The Weirdo of Hyrule.

Oh, and, by the way, I'm not anything like Wierdzum – that's his nickname everybody gave him. He's the hobo living in Castle Town, and he's constantly raving about how flying chimpanzees are going to devour us all.

ANYWAYS, so… yeah. Jumbo Towel was hopping away from me.

"Get _back_ here!" I called after it.

The Towel just kept bouncing along, but thank goodness it wasn't going anywhere near Leroy.

I pounced on Jumbo; I wasn't gonna let it get anywhere closer to any possible swords in the room. "Come on!" I begged. "Power up my sword!"

Jumbo slipped out of my hands, shot upwards, and then began to leisurely spin around once it was fifteen feet or so off the ground. The only reaction I could think about having was lying down on my stomach and staring up at it – the position I had landed in trying to catch that dumb Towel.

Starting to spin faster and faster, Jumbo also began to glow brighter the faster it spun, like some kind of disco ball. Suddenly, the whole room was lit up and there was a hasty sound as it reached its fastest speed, squishing itself down into a small disk due to the centrifugal force.

Then it slowed down and floated down towards me in an anti-climatic moment. Jumbo blobbed down onto my sheathed sword and disappeared along with most of the light in the room. My sword's sheath was suddenly the thing in the room that was super lit up.

"Wow… That's actually… kinda cool."

My gaze fell and I frowned.

I'd pulled the sword out, but it wasn't glowing; the sheath still was.

"You're _kidding._"

I unstrapped the sheath from my belt and put the sword back in. "That is so _lame!_"

Of course, I didn't know what Anjean wanted me to do with the powered up sword. "Maybe…" I whispered, "…maybe I'm supposed to open up that huge door by hitting it…"

"But, I thought I, like, said that you should have an epic battle with that, like, jerk sobbing in the corner!" Zelda complained.

"Meh. I feel bad for Leroy."

"Ohhhhh… So is Leerow, like, the armor guy?"

"Yeah."

"_Ohhhhh_. I, like, get it _now_!"

"Yeah."

Shrugging off that dumb two second conversation, I went over to the large door and tried to force it open; there weren't any doorknobs or anything of the sort, so I was pushing as hard as I could against it.

A head popped out of it.

"Like, whatcha doin'?"

"_Gaah!_" I screamed, tripping backwards.

"Oh." I realized it was only Zelda. "It's you."

"Like, _yeah._ Who else did you, like, think I was?"

"Forget it. You know how I can open this?"

"Dunno, and, like, don't really care. I can, like, totally get through fine, so it doesn't matter to, like, _me._"

"Good for you, Zelda, but remember _I'm _the only one that can save Hyrule right now? You can't really do any—"

That probably alerted Leroy to how I'd said 'your Demon Leader wanted her!' and note the '_wanted_', as in past-tense. And… I'd just said I'm the only one that could save Hyrule and Zelda's basically worthless currently, so…

"_BLARGH!_"bellowed Leroy.

_!_

He was rushing towards me, and I didn't know what to do.

My look-at-me-I'm-so-sparkly-and-perfect sheath suddenly flashed a level brighter for an instant.

"That's right!" I yelled out loud.

I grabbed my sheath and used it to slice down the middle of the doors and then forced them open – the now-magical sheath seemed to make me about ten times stronger or something, or at least strong enough to pry open those doors.

Once one of the doors was open enough for me to squeeze through, I scooted in between them and then let it slam shut, breathing heavily with my back against the door.

"Phew," I sighed. "That was a close one…"

Leroy was angrily slashing away at the door and roaring at me.

"See ya later, Leroy." There were stairs leading upwards in the chamber that the door had been guarding, so I started to take those, Zelda floating behind me.

"GLARBLEIGILOOPERICKLOYIT!" he gurgled furiously.

Zelda and I stared back at the door; 'What kind of a noise was _that?_' was probably the shared thought going through both our heads.

After a minute of just stairs – lights from above becoming dimmer with each step (no torches to line the way, either) – I turned towards Zelda.

"Hey, Zelda, remember when I was telling you that you should get away from Leroy and leave me?"

"Um… I, like, think so."

"Don't ever tell anybody about that ever again, okay?"

"Like… Sure…?"

I rolled my eyes at Zelda and at the fact that my magical sheath wasn't powered up anymore; now I was blindly making my way downwards.

After a while of making our way slowly – and silently with no conversation – downwards, the stairs ended, and there was a light at the end of the tunne—

Okay. I didn't mean that metaphorically. I meant that 'it was like we were in a tunnel now and there was a dim glow at the end.' Got it?

Outside of the tunnel, there was a long passageway…

And, there were going to be tons more Phantoms in that room.

I was sure of it.

* * *

_*Really? What's wrong with me? _Another_ Spaceballs reference?_

_Oh, and if anybody noticed or connected 'Leroy' with _The Red Pyramid _by Rick Riordan, I actually wasn't thinking about that until about fifteen seconds after Link had decided to call the Phantom that. __Sorry if that bugged anybody, but I'm feeling too lazy to change it._

_I like the name Leroy._


	7. Rambling Again!

_So..._

_Updated: 9-23-10_

_That's not so bad! :D Just a bit more than a month; better than what I _have_ been doing, right? Right?_

_Ahem. Anyway, on with chapter seven. Yay!_

_

* * *

_

So, yeah. Zelda's a little ghostie, and I'm running around for my life, trying to save Hyrule. How could I have not seen that coming _sometime_ in my life? All my descendants have done that, too, so, hey! Why not jump onto the bandwagon, right?

It's one of the dumbest things. Ever.

Just because every guy in my family has had to save the kingdom some time or another, they just decide to throw me in with their wonderful lineage. Fantastic.

But, enough about that. Those were just my thoughts while Zelda and I were running down that pitch black staircase.

Back to the passageway that was at the end of those forsaken stairs.

Dirt was lining the floor, and it was pretty much the same as the room we'd come out of where Leroy had been waiting for us. There weren't any Phantoms to be seen, but that didn't mean I could drop my guard; keeping my guard up was something that always particularly impressed Alfonzo for whatever reason.

"Zelda," I said, "can you go and search around these hall things for a moment? Tell me if you find any Phantoms?"

"Like, sure thing!" She nodded and then happily zoomed off, humming to herself in a very off-tune key.

There wasn't much to see except for brick walls for a minute, but then I came to a small band of the floor that was covered in spikes. Looking at it, I couldn't help but feel like whoever designed that was very, very dumb; it was too easy to just sneak between them, and that's exactly what I did. Once I was through, I scoffed. "I hope there's going to be more than _that_ here; from the looks of it, Zelda's not back, so that probably means that there's nothing important or worth mentioning," I deduced.

I kept making my way through the corridors, jumping over ledges, climbing over walls and making my way over those lame little spike bands when I needed to.

After a while, I was growing bored with how bland the designers had been with their traps. "If anything," I huffed after slicing some large purple rats into a poof of the dark purple cloud, "they could have at _least_ added some Phantoms. Where is Zelda, anyways?" Looking around, there was no sound, I realized. There was nothing going on in here – that I could hear, at least – except for my own breathing and cautious steps.

"Now _that's_ weird."

Finally, Zelda came floating over to me, a couple yards or so above my head. She was too busy whistling an ear-splitting note to see me. "Find anything?" I called.

"Yup," she casually answered, noticing me.

"What was it?"

"Oh, there's, like, three Phantoms in the next room."

"_Three!_ Why didn't you say something sooner or at least get back quicker?"

"Well, I, like, thought that you could just epic-fight them again."

"What do you mean, 'again'? I never did anything like that to any Phantom! Not even Leroy!"

"Like, really?" she gasped. Her reaction just seemed _way_ too surprised.

"Yes, really," I sighed. "Don't you remember anything from up there?"

"Not much, like, no."

"Huh," I muttered. "I wonder if that had something to do with the Tears of Light…"

"The Drawers of Dwight?"

"Never mind. Do you know what we're going to do about those Phantoms?"

"Like, not a clue!" she answered too honestly.

Facepalm time.

"Alright. There's no Tears of Light—"

"Clams That Bite?"

"_Nothing._ No Tears of Light, and that means… means… maybe we can run past as fast as we can! Zelda, go ahead and distract them! Like you did with Leroy! Maybe insult them while you're at it, too!" I reasoned.

"Are you, like, totally sure about that?"

"Yes!"

"Like… okaaaaaay…" She gloomily went ahead, obviously not wanting to do that for a second time. "Like… hey… freaks…" I could hear her mumble unenthusiastically. "You're all lard-bottomed toad-splats…"

"GROUPH?"

Several 'grouph's rose at the same instant from the next room over, magnifying it immensely.

"Yeah, like." Suddenly Zelda was sounding a bit more enthusiastic because of the reaction she'd received. "You're all barking Beeblebroxes, too!"

_What the heck is a Beeblebrox?_ I wondered. _Whatever. I have to get past those Phantoms…_

While Zelda kept spewing out random, nonsensical insults, I crept into the room to get a look at what I was going to have to face.

_Five_ Phantoms.

_Good job counting, Zelda._

I somersaulted into the room, trying not to draw attention to myself.

A large staircase was at the other end of the room, and the Phantoms were all facing Zelda, but she was exactly in front of the staircase.

I gave a harsh whisper to Zelda. "_Zelda!_"

Of course she couldn't hear me over the enraged Phantom bellows; those guys don't like being insulted.

"ZELDA!" I whispered a bit louder. Unfortunately, I was noisier than I thought I was, and she still didn't notice me, but all the Phantoms did.

Hoo.

Ray.

They all rushed at me – every one of the five – and they all had their bulky swords raised.

"SCREW IT!" I roared, bolting between all of them. "Zelda! Hurry! We're getting out of here!"

There was nowhere else to go except for those stairs, so that's where I was headed.

—

It was tough breathing after all that tough running, but I was out of that horrible room with those Phantoms. Dealing with all of them had been the last thing on my mind, and they'd finally stopped following me. What was especially strange about this staircase I'd scrambled up was the fact that there was a strip of glowing tiles making a line in front of it, wall to wall.

For whatever reason, the Phantoms had stopped following me after that, but it didn't stop them from being ticked off at me. They had continued swinging their dumb swords at me until they finally got bored.

"Serves you right, losers," I murmured, tiredly looking down at my feet, even though I was the only one that could hear that comment.

"Like, Link, do you think that thing is, like, important at all?" Zelda said.

"What thing?" I lifted up my head, and when I looked in front of me, I saw an old, weathered block of tan rock sitting on a pedestal made of marble. It had markings all over it – there was a compass rose in one of the corners, some lines connecting different locations…

"That's, like, important, right?" Zelda looked over her shoulder to look right at me, but I was already gone.

"Yes! The map! The map of the Hyrule Spirit Tracks! Yes-yes-yes-yes-yeeeeesss!" I picked it up and hugged it, joyfully dancing around. "I'll be back to being an engineer! I'll defeat the Demon King, and then Zelda will be out of my life for g—"

I stopped. "…Defeat the Demon King? Crud… And… Anjean said that I have to collect all the _fragments_, huh?"

Zelda stared at me.

I glared at the fragment of the map. "Dang it."

And, then the room disappeared in a flash of blue light.

—

Again, I found it hard to breathe, and I was on my forearms and knees, bent over a cold stone floor.

I shivered.

"Woah!" Zelda exclaimed. "Like, was that, like, awesome or, like, _what!_"

I assumed she added more 'like's when she was excited.

Firmly planting one of my hands on the floor and using the other arm to keep hold of the map, I shakily stood up. For whatever reason, I was feeling absolutely weak and that is one feeling I really despise. (If I said I loathed it more than Zelda, would that be able to convince anyone of anything?)

A soft squeaking noise was slowly getting louder – it was coming closer. I wearily turned my head; I doubted I had the strength to even take my sword out of its sheath to attack mutant rats of any kind.

"Oh!" I saw what it was, except it was more of a _who_. "Anjean! Thank goodness it's just you," I sighed. "Wait… Why the heck am I back at the beginning of the Tower? And, what was that flash of blue light?"

"I teleported you back here; the tracks in this section of Hyrule were restored, and I knew that you did what you had to, so you were able to come back here again without needing to backtrack."

"Ah, that's handy."

Zelda was nodding like she understood everything Anjean was saying.

"You want to take a look at the fruits of your first part of your journey?" Anjean offered.

I shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"

"We, like, planted a _tree?_" Zelda said in awe.

Anjean and I both ignored that dumb statement. "Link, Zelda," Anjean started, "look." She pointed at golden train tracks that started in front of a train that was in the middle of the large room; the train was a bland brown, and rough looking, like the person who carved it had used a chisel while they were angry.

"Hey, uh, Anjean, when'd that train get there?"

"It's been there."

"Really?"

"Yup. It's just that you hadn't noticed it before."

"Oh… kay…"

"Anyways, that's not the point."

"Like," Zelda interjected, "what _is_ the point?"

"The point is the tracks," Anjean curtly answered.

"The… tracks…?" I looked again. "Oh! The _tracks!_ Alright, okay, got it."

"Would you like to see the rest?" Anjean suggested.

"Sure!" I agreed.

She went over to the entrance of the Tower, and the tracks led out of it, streaming all throughout Hyrule as far as I could see. I was guessing they went back all the way over to Aboda. "Where's the next map piece, Anjean? I just want to restore these things and be done with it."

"Don't forget about the Demon King."

"And, defeat the Demon King," I moaned.

"That's the spirit!"

"Like, no it's not!" Zelda said.

"Well," Anjean went on again, "the next map piece is deep in a jungle's Temple; it has a mage much like me over there. He belongs to the Lokomos as well."

"Lokomos…?" Zelda and I questioned.

"Oh! Did I not mention anything about this yet?"

"Yeah, you must be forgetting what you haven't said, lady," Zelda and I unanimously said, putting our arms out with the backs of our hands facing Anjean.

"Well, anyways, the Lokomos are basically servants to the 'good spirits', as people tend to call them."

"Whatever," I said, putting my hands out in defeat and turning away. "It doesn't really matter since we probably won't be able to get there, anyway. People get lost in that forest and never come out. If we can't get to that Temple, then that just means we won't be able to get any of the rest, either."

"I _know_ you can get all them," smiled Anjean.

"Why do you have to be so positive…?" I collapsed in a gloomy heap of over-expectations.

"This, like, sounds like fun, though, Link! Let's get, like, going!" Zelda said.

I slowly stood back up. "Well, we, uh… don't have a train or any other means of transportation! How about _that?_ What can _you_ do, Lokomos lady?"

"First off, you have two feet." She gestured towards her wheels. "I'm rather handicapped, as I said earlier."

"Too much trust!" I yelled before collapsing again.

"My, my. You're a strange one from your family, aren't you? Your father, father's father, father's father's father, fath—"

"I get the idea…" I groaned.

"None of them were like this. Your mother must've really been out there, huh?"

"Be quiet…"

"Well! You're not getting anywhere right now! I've got a train just for you!"

"Really!" I jumped back up, enthusiasm welling up in me.

"Yup!" She looked over at the cruddy train statue.

Except now… it was a _real_ train. Excessively colorful, and not as blocky anymore, either.

"What the—!"

"I fixed it up while you were complaining," Anjean explained.

" _'Fixed it up'!_"

"Now get on board and save Hyrule!" She jauntily swung her arm in front of herself, and then suddenly rammed into me and started shoving me towards the train.

"Okay! Okay, lady! I got it! I'll save Hyrule!"

"Have funnn!" she sang.

"Waaaah!" Zelda sobbed. "Like, don't forget about _meeee!_"

And, a few minutes later, the train was happily chugging along the just-returned tracks.

* * *

_Anyone who has me on their author's alert probably noticed I submitted a new fic just last night that had nothing to do with LoZ. Sorry about that. I remembered about this one right after, so I decided to start working on this one a bit. Started last night, ended today. Yay! (I'm only apologizing specifically to those people because most of my author's alerts are from people who review on _this_ fic in particular. :P)_

_Reviews will be appreciated, like always!_

_But... I feel like I'm forgetting something... Am I? Maybe I'm just being dumb again._

_**Edit 10/****30/'10**:__ Augh! I remembered what I was forgetting! -headdesk- Nautical Nerd, THANK YOU SO MUCH for pointing out those typos and reviewing! Those were great reviews. (I really appreciate it when people point out things like that. ^^_'_) There! Alright. I remembered. xD (I hope you haven't read this chapter already...)_


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